22 Chuck Norris Facts

[victoria d]

:​

 

[Joe E]

 

[FaFdg]

Brilliant, simply brilliant. They never get old.

 

[LupeptSub]

I heard two that made me laugh:

Chuck Norris can talk about fight club.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[Helpless]

Gotta love those Chuck Norris jokes. :

 

[GraceMickaila]

 

[bucbkkiv]

I hate Chuck Norris.. but that maybe why i find the Norris jokes so Hilarious..

Hand Sanitizer can kill 99.9% of germs, CHUCK NORRIS kills 100% of whatever the fukc he wants!
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, it's decendents are now known as Giraffes.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris Likes to Knit Sweaters, and by "knit" I mean kick and by "sweaters" i mean babies.

Some good ones.. There are so many more.. Who would win in a fight between God and Chuck Norris?? Trick Question. Chuck Norris is God.

 

[Anne Rages]

wheres under chuck norris's beard??? another fist.


~see family guy~

 

[fmehzuhzihsiwjehb]

Yeeeah, I'm one of those people... sadly.

Fun fact: These jokes originated from Vin Diesel, and not Chuck Norris, apparently it was funnier because its Chuck Norris and he's macho as f*ck.

Well, the OP titled it as 'facts', so you'd probably be right.

 

[Ras Zero]

Nothing on the internet stays classic, because there's usually some new (internet) meme popping up the next day.

They just get, old.

 

[Leigh W]

This is as old as the internet itself.

 

[BarbieGirl]

I love Chuck Norris jokes.

 

[Alice Greene]

:lmao::lmao:

I never liked Chuck.

 

[Kkeucwrspubyc]

i always thought chuck norris was asian. or japanese.
like jackie chan.
._.

 

[kylelovesrootbeer]

For all those Chuck Norris fans, came across this website with FACTS about our divine creator and figured I'd post for yous. Everything you always wanted to know about Chuck Norris but were afraid to ask. Enjoy.

22 Chuck Norris Facts

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.