A disaster to avoid

[sally joe!!!]

OK, gentlemen. I've officially taken one for the team, and here are the results.

I responded to an ad in Now that was advertising the massage services of a "Hot, mature lady" (the phone number begins with the 647 prefix.) Well, the mature part was correct at least. Lisa is easily in her 50s. She's Polish and works out of a dump of an apartment on Martin Grove south of the 401.

As for "hot": she is fat bordering on obese (I'm talking pot belly here), bad teeth, scraggily black hair, and -- how do I put this politely? -- "hygiene issues." Maybe there is a lunatic fringe out there who considers this to be "hot", but 99.99% would not.

I did everything I could from audibly gasping when she opened the door. But here is where ol' Mel is an idiot. She insisted she was a trained masseuse and could give me an excellent Swedish massage/shiatsu treatment. Becasue my back was aching, I thought at least I'll get some therapy out of this. Wrong. Her skills boiled down to lightly rubbing by back, even though I kept saying "the harder the better." It soon became apparent that she was clueless, so my $80 for an hour (which was more like 35 minutes) went down the tubes in a blaze of glory. Oh, did I mention she spent some of those 35 minutes leaving the room to answer the phone? God, I hate that! It is such a breach of massage ettiquette.

Please note, I am not trying to be cruel. But Lisa deserves the criticism. When an obese hag has the chutzpah to advertise herself as "hot" in a newspaper and then verbally promises she can render an RMT massage (but really has no idea what she's doing), all I can do is hope others learn by my awful experience.

Stay away from this train wreck, guys. She is not eye candy; she cannot render a half-decent massage; the place is a dive. So, pray tell, what exactly are we paying for when it comes to a visit with Lisa the Liar? Ugh!

Mel

 

[magidge]

Hey Mel... you are a good and brave man for posting this...

Good because you are helping to prevent others from getting suckered...

Brave because guys are going to make fry you for staying....

I for one thank you for Taking one for the team and reporting it...

Perhaps the abuse you are going to take will help prevent little Mel from taking over next time...

 

[prathikraj@ymail.com]

Mel, you have to have an escape line when you are going to new place!
If the girl is not what you thought she would be, use the line.
Like, oh, I forgot my wallet, money in the car, will be right back!
Find a line bud!
85$, could have been worst!
Anyway, thanks!

 

[FoulgeVossess]

Thanks slowandeasy & Mingo.

First, if we don't come clean about our bad experiences, massageplanet.net will be worse of for it. This is an information resource after all.

Second, Mingo, I do have escape lines handy (even though I'm sure some guys took one look at Lisa and just did an about-face for the elevator in complete stunned silence.) But as I mentioned, I got conned into beleiving she could actually do a RMT-like massage, so, like an idiot, I did not judge a book by its cover (when I definitely should have.) This is really what makes me mad about the whole experience.

All the best,
Mel

 

[westo]

In the SP world she would be considered hot.

 

[Nicnac]

Always trust your first instinct Mel........ And don't be ashamed to run if you are presented with the same situation again....

 

[livinnbfe]

.
True true true.. or sorry wrong house.

 

[dwoodall]

Sad but partially true.

 

[lesley.mullin]

Mel, slowandeasy has a great line, he uses all the time, thought it dosn't work well in the winter, I just saw the ice cream truck, I will be right back! lol!

 

[Courtney M.P.]

If she's a fat chick she would most probably likes ice cream...maybe try that you are late for your fitness class or something...

And sadly...I to agree that the description would be considered hot by some...whatever floats your boat

 

[Mummy_to_one_and_bump]

Hey Mel,

She must have been hot. After all, you got burned!

Thanks for letting us all know about this fraudster.

 

[Captain Jean-Luc Picard]

All I can say, guys, is I feel like getting a giant pot so I can boil myself for 15 minutes. Maybe then I'll feel cleaner.
Mel

 

[Beverly (Bea)]

Unfortunately, I know how you feel. A few years ago - fell for the same type of scam - she offered 40EEE - should have known better. Its like a deer in the headlights phenomenon - you want to leave, know you should, but for some reason, you just can't. I actually wonder if its the same chick - a lot of the story is similar, however, my incident was near Woodbine Center (to the West of it). Similar area however.

 

[musicseawater]

Did you manage to cum?

 

[Stef Von B]

I use the line "ugh not interested!" I don't care if I hurt their feelings. Emotions are overrated anyway.

 

[weemundo]

I try to be polite if they have been honest and upfront......

I have tried may Asian incalls, when I call they tell me "we have pretty young girls"....
I ask: "how hold"
They reply: "19 years old, very beautiful"
I counter: "Jenda?" (true)
They tell me "yes... very beautiful girls, good service"

I hate to waste my time and drive over to see someone who has lied... so if I get to the door and they are not anywhere close to what they tell me, I tell them that they have lied to me... I tell them that I called and was told that the girls were young, and good looking... that it's very bad for their business to lie..... and I leave...

Who cares about hurt feelings from someone who has wasted your time and effort in getting all the way there to see them....