....and that's when the fight started

[Eric E]

: What an ungrateful cow.

 

[Clint]

One year a guy decided to buy his mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas. The next year he didn’t buy her anything. When she asked him why he did not buy her a gift this year around he replied "Well you haven’t even used the gift I bought you last year. That’s how the fight started.
*** *** ***
I asked my wife "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven’t been in ages" she replied. So I suggested "How about the kitchen?" That’s how the fight started
*** *** ***
My wife and I were watching ‘Who wants to be a millionaire" on TV in bed. I turned to her and asked "Do you want to have s e x?" She replied "No". "Is that your final answer?" I asked. "Yes" she replied. Then I said: "So then I would like to phone a friend" That’s how the fight started.
*** *** ***
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of beer for $14.95, instead she bought night cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night. That’s how the fight started
*** *** ***
I took my wife out to dinner. For some reason the waiter took my order first. I said "I will have the steak…rare please with baked potato" The waiter asked: "Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?" I said "Nah, she can order for herself". That’s how the fight started
*** *** ***
My wife sat down next to me on the sofa as I was flipping through the TV channels. She asked "Whats on TV?" I replied "Dust". That’s how the fight started
*** *** ***
My wife was hinting for a gift as our anniversary drew closer. She said "I want something shiny and silver that goes 0 –200 in about 3 seconds" So I bought her a scale. That’s how the fight started.
*** *** ***
My wife and I were seated at a table at her high school reunion. She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at another table. I asked finally "Do you know that man?" She replied "Yes, he was my boyfriend. From what I have heard he started drinking excessively right after we split and hasn’t been sober for a day since then". I replied "OMG…who could have thought a person could go on celebrating for that long!" That’s how the fight started
*** *** ***
When our lawnmower broke my wife kept hinting for me to fix it, but I was always busy doing other important things like lazing by the pool or watching sport on tv. Then one day to prove a point, as I sat down on the porch I noticed her kneeling on the lawn, a small scizzors in hand, cutting one piece of grass at a time. I sat there for almost an hour watching her…then got up and went into the house. A moment later I returned with a tooth brush and said "When you’re done mowing the lawn you might as well sweep the drive way" That’s how the fight started.
*** *** ***