Because I'm a man

[Lorrainey Bainey]

Because I'm a man...


Because I'm a man.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will
fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke,
has set in.

RAC is not an option. I will win.


Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start."

We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy
Communion.


Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you
this isn't a problem.


Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all
I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.


Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence
that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair
person gets here and has to put it back together.


Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.
(though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator)
...applies to engineers mainly.


Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or rugby
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.


Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls,
or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't
forget to pick up something for my mother too.


Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
certainly at least remember the name and recommend it
to others.


Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.
Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?


Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005 , I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


This has been a public service message for Women to better
understand the Male.