Capitalism

[tori w]

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire
on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary
to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder
who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Your dairy operation is productive, and you sell 80% of the milk to
the US market.
The American government decides that you are taking advantage of
federal subsidies to dump milk on the market below cost, and slaps
you with 25% "countervailing" duties, to protect the interests of the
above-mentioned American Corporation.

Angered and enraged in typical polite Canadian fashion, you cheer on
the Canadian hockey team to pound the USA team 5-2 and win Olympic
gold.
You let out a cheer, wave the Maple Leaf a bit, then apologize for the
outburst and get back to milking your cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market
them Worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

POLISH CAPITALISM:
You have one cow. You sell the fodder for vodka. The cow dies of starvation.
You send it to Brussels demanding 10 live ones in return for joining EC.