coming across as tentative

[Pompal 09.]

Hi all,

I finished school, including clinic hours this July and am now licensed. I've just started my business.


My client said that the massage was great, I seem to intuitively know where to go and provide a very relaxing massage, but she senses that I am tentative. Other clients (during clinical) have said this as well.


Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.

 

[Jamal]

Congratulations, Ellie! I am in my final hours of internship and look forward to getting my license soon too.

I would think that the more experience you get, the more confidence you'll have, and that you'll begin to "exude" that confidence once it is yours. Hang in there!

 

[KNGWiFi]

I can relate - I used to feel very intimidated and anxious at times about my massage - how I compared to others - if I was "good enough"- what are they thinking etc. I have to say in time I have worked past that feeling and am really feeling confident in myself.

 

[Pompal 09.]

There can be a tentativeness in overall approach, like when you ask every two minutes if things are okay. For me that is about being scared the client thinks I am doing a bad job. It seems like confidence in your technique has a lot more to do with your mindset than your actual skill.

But there can also be a tentative quality to touch, when you handle the person's body with too much hesitance and caution. For me this is about being scared I am going to injure or hurt the person. The best thing for this is working on some friends who you are very comfortable with and gives honest feedback. Spend a few sessions being deliberately less cautious than usual, trusting that they will tell you if things are not okay. Really pull the person around and be a little rougher than you are normally comfortable with. Don't intentionally hurt them, but allow yourself not to worry so much about hurting them. Most bodies are pretty sturdy. Not everyone likes a very vigorous treatment, but being able to give a very vigorous treatment builds confidence that comes across in even the gentlest sessions.

I had to do something like this to get over my fear of working in "too intimate" areas like the buttocks, lower abdomen, and inner thigh. I was very tentative. I worked on a few friends who I was able to candidly discuss the issue with. I still tend to be conservative about that unless there is a very specific complaint (sciatica, groin pull, etc) that makes treatment in those areas essential. But I don't feel tentative about it anymore, just cautious.

-- Joshua

 

[Mar]

coming across as tentative

Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.

I am not sure if anyone ever called me tentative, but I have felt tentative sometimes. What has helped me become more confident with clients is experiencing lots of different bodywork myself. When I know how things feel to me during a session I am more confident delivering techniques to clients.

I wonder when you say that you try to stay present with a clear intention what does that mean to you?

 

[Loren]

Congrats on graduating, getting licensed, and starting your own business. A great series of accomplishments so soon out of the gate.

As far as giving half-hour sessions, eh. Not so sure of that one. But you need to what's good for you.

As far as being tentative. It's kind of subjective. Yeah, checking in more often than you looking at your watch (not during session, of course), may present itself as being tentative; especially if you're doing a relaxation massage. However, if you're doing some a bit (or a lot) more therapeutic and directed, checking in with a client may be more appropriate. This could be especially true if working with a new client. Give yourself a chance. As you progress, your 'feel' for the job (pun not really intended) will increase.

Again, congrats and much work!

 

[themanticore07]

Congrats!

It's easy to feel unsure at first, and even after years, you'll likely have an off day. :irked:
Getting lots of bodywork yourself from a lot of different people as mentioned by tribute is my number one suggestion.

And be sure you aren't holding your breath. :shocked:

I was taught to use my elbows while doing chair massage, and the woman who instructed me would call my attention to my hand while I was manipulating my elbow. At first, in order to use my elbow, my fist would be clenched during the move. She'd point this out to me, tell me to relax my hand. It makes it entirely different to do a deep controlled movement with your elbow, while your hand is gently flopping loosely at the end of your forearm. It made me realize how much tension I could carry in seemingly unrelated areas of my body, and ultimately how this effected my massage. Even just being aware if you're standing or sitting, are you loose and limber?

And smile while you're working, even if the person is face down! It will help you to relax. Just trust yourself, and keep at it. Your confidence will blossom!
savannah

 

[jayfinley2001]

I have to say, I love joshuatenpenny's suggestion.

I had this same problem when I started, and I never did find a specific way to approach it. Over time it just changed. I wish I had known of the suggestion above, I would have tried it!

 

[Ryan-HxC]

Congratulations, Ellie! I am in my final hours of internship and look forward to getting my license soon too.

I would think that the more experience you get, the more confidence you'll have, and that you'll begin to "exude" that confidence once it is yours. Hang in there!

Thank you! Good luck to you!

I do think some of it is not having the experience.

 

[Ethiopian ruler]

I can relate - I used to feel very intimidated and anxious at times about my massage - how I compared to others - if I was "good enough"- what are they thinking etc. I have to say in time I have worked past that feeling and am really feeling confident in myself.

I can see this, but I don't feel like I am feeling intimidated or anxious actually. maybe this is good though, to really think about what I'm feeling as I do massage. hmmm

 

[Zallarion]

But there can also be a tentative quality to touch, when you handle the person's body with too much hesitance and caution. For me this is about being scared I am going to injure or hurt the person.

-- Joshua

this is it! exactly. "tentative quality to touch" I "know' I won't hurt the person, but I think deep down that is what I am afraid of and its coming through. thank you for your ideas on working through this. I will do what you suggest. thanks

 

[Keegzz]

coming across as tentative

Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.

I am not sure if anyone ever called me tentative, but I have felt tentative sometimes. What has helped me become more confident with clients is experiencing lots of different bodywork myself. When I know how things feel to me during a session I am more confident delivering techniques to clients.

I wonder when you say that you try to stay present with a clear intention what does that mean to you?

see, I don't feel I'm being tentative. at least I'm not aware of it. I do need to receive more body work myself. I can see how that can help me with giving massage. and in more ways than one.

regarding your question about what being present with clear intention means to me, I need to consider what it does mean to me... I know what it means to me, but sometimes questions like this take a long time for me to put into words. not so good with words.

 

[Alan Y]

Congrats on graduating, getting licensed, and starting your own business. A great series of accomplishments so soon out of the gate.

thanks for the congrats. I do feel like its a great accomplishment to be where I am, however, it also feels like its going really slowly!!

I did just today schedule a first appointment with a client, first time with a client that I don't know! and frankly, first paying (others have been trades) a referral, so that feels good!

 

[athomasmueller]

Congrats!

It's easy to feel unsure at first, and even after years, you'll likely have an off day. :irked:
Getting lots of bodywork yourself from a lot of different people as mentioned by tribute is my number one suggestion.

And be sure you aren't holding your breath. :shocked:

Even just being aware if you're standing or sitting, are you loose and limber?

And smile while you're working, even if the person is face down! It will help you to relax. Just trust yourself, and keep at it. Your confidence will blossom!
savannah

great things to remember, breath, relax, smile... I have a quick meditation I do. as I breath in I think to myself, "breath in I calm my body" and as I exhale I think " breath out, I smile" it works! even if I am not feeling like smiling, it will get me there.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Congratulations Ellie on your graduation, licensure, and establishing of practice!

At one time I was told frequently by classmates that I worked with in school to 'just trust your hands'...

For me it was simple, it just took hours of practice. Each massage I completed I became more confident and more confident. I did take many hours of continuing education, despite the fact that I did attend an extremely well respected school prior to licensure.

It was fine to learn all of the anatomy in school and palpation skills but until I got out there, worked at a spa, saw a lot of clients and felt how everyone's body while basically the same in anatomical terms, are very different in structure energetically, muscularly and in other ways my experience had been limited.

The first six months for me were difficult in the confidence department...and then the veil just started to lift, and then it was like a snowball effect...the more confidence I gained, the better the massage I gave was received, which in turn just helped to support more confidence.

It is experience that will give you that support. It will come, but it may take a little while. It is also a process of amalgamating what you have learned with your own style...and style is once again something that evolves.

Massage therapy, like any other art, is so unique to every practitioner and takes hours of practice. I can tell just by your post that you are innately aware of intention which is the basis for all quality touch.

I think when I started asking the universe before I layed hands on to give me the insight to deliver through my hands what each client needed before my sessions, and asked that my ego be checked at the door, that is when my work became very interesting. When suddenly I was able to start taking the building blocks I had been given in school, and then imprinting my own technique and insight into the sessions, that is when it all became even more interesting and rewarding...and the biggest part of it is that I started trusting in my intuitive capabilities, plugging into that unseen matrix, and just letting it flow...

Keep on believing Ellie, in yourself, the work, even when the days are most challenging and you wonder is my work enough, am I enough...it is and you are! Enjoy this exciting time in the youth of your work...before you know it a couple of years will have gone by and you will have to remind yourself to come to the table with that wide-eyed freshness that just is for you now.

My best to you...

 

[Scabs]

If nothing else, fake the confidence until it becomes the true confidence that only comes with experience.

 

[Glacierwolf]

Oh man, when I got out of school I got the same feedback, in fact, I think most of us do. The "fake it to make it" works really well, because if you can just act confident, they will think you are confident. Eventually it will come naturally.