coming across as tentative

  • Thread starter Thread starter Pompal 09.
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Pompal 09.

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Hi all,

I finished school, including clinic hours this July and am now licensed. I've just started my business.


My client said that the massage was great, I seem to intuitively know where to go and provide a very relaxing massage, but she senses that I am tentative. Other clients (during clinical) have said this as well.


Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.
 


Congratulations, Ellie! I am in my final hours of internship and look forward to getting my license soon too.

I would think that the more experience you get, the more confidence you'll have, and that you'll begin to "exude" that confidence once it is yours. Hang in there!
 


I can relate - I used to feel very intimidated and anxious at times about my massage - how I compared to others - if I was "good enough"- what are they thinking etc. I have to say in time I have worked past that feeling and am really feeling confident in myself.
 


There can be a tentativeness in overall approach, like when you ask every two minutes if things are okay. For me that is about being scared the client thinks I am doing a bad job. It seems like confidence in your technique has a lot more to do with your mindset than your actual skill.

But there can also be a tentative quality to touch, when you handle the person's body with too much hesitance and caution. For me this is about being scared I am going to injure or hurt the person. The best thing for this is working on some friends who you are very comfortable with and gives honest feedback. Spend a few sessions being deliberately less cautious than usual, trusting that they will tell you if things are not okay. Really pull the person around and be a little rougher than you are normally comfortable with. Don't intentionally hurt them, but allow yourself not to worry so much about hurting them. Most bodies are pretty sturdy. Not everyone likes a very vigorous treatment, but being able to give a very vigorous treatment builds confidence that comes across in even the gentlest sessions.

I had to do something like this to get over my fear of working in "too intimate" areas like the buttocks, lower abdomen, and inner thigh. I was very tentative. I worked on a few friends who I was able to candidly discuss the issue with. I still tend to be conservative about that unless there is a very specific complaint (sciatica, groin pull, etc) that makes treatment in those areas essential. But I don't feel tentative about it anymore, just cautious.

-- Joshua
 
coming across as tentative

eyesofblue said:
Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.

I am not sure if anyone ever called me tentative, but I have felt tentative sometimes. What has helped me become more confident with clients is experiencing lots of different bodywork myself. When I know how things feel to me during a session I am more confident delivering techniques to clients.

I wonder when you say that you try to stay present with a clear intention what does that mean to you?
 


Congrats on graduating, getting licensed, and starting your own business. A great series of accomplishments so soon out of the gate.

As far as giving half-hour sessions, eh. Not so sure of that one. But you need to what's good for you.

As far as being tentative. It's kind of subjective. Yeah, checking in more often than you looking at your watch (not during session, of course), may present itself as being tentative; especially if you're doing a relaxation massage. However, if you're doing some a bit (or a lot) more therapeutic and directed, checking in with a client may be more appropriate. This could be especially true if working with a new client. Give yourself a chance. As you progress, your 'feel' for the job (pun not really intended) will increase.

Again, congrats and much work!
 


Congrats!

It's easy to feel unsure at first, and even after years, you'll likely have an off day. :irked:
Getting lots of bodywork yourself from a lot of different people as mentioned by tribute is my number one suggestion.

And be sure you aren't holding your breath. :shocked:

I was taught to use my elbows while doing chair massage, and the woman who instructed me would call my attention to my hand while I was manipulating my elbow. At first, in order to use my elbow, my fist would be clenched during the move. She'd point this out to me, tell me to relax my hand. It makes it entirely different to do a deep controlled movement with your elbow, while your hand is gently flopping loosely at the end of your forearm. It made me realize how much tension I could carry in seemingly unrelated areas of my body, and ultimately how this effected my massage. Even just being aware if you're standing or sitting, are you loose and limber?

And smile while you're working, even if the person is face down! It will help you to relax. Just trust yourself, and keep at it. Your confidence will blossom!
savannah
 


I have to say, I love joshuatenpenny's suggestion.

I had this same problem when I started, and I never did find a specific way to approach it. Over time it just changed. I wish I had known of the suggestion above, I would have tried it!
 


Timedess said:
Congratulations, Ellie! I am in my final hours of internship and look forward to getting my license soon too.

I would think that the more experience you get, the more confidence you'll have, and that you'll begin to "exude" that confidence once it is yours. Hang in there!

Thank you! Good luck to you!

I do think some of it is not having the experience.
 


Massage_kneads_me said:
I can relate - I used to feel very intimidated and anxious at times about my massage - how I compared to others - if I was "good enough"- what are they thinking etc. I have to say in time I have worked past that feeling and am really feeling confident in myself.

I can see this, but I don't feel like I am feeling intimidated or anxious actually. maybe this is good though, to really think about what I'm feeling as I do massage. hmmm
 


joshuatenpenny said:
But there can also be a tentative quality to touch, when you handle the person's body with too much hesitance and caution. For me this is about being scared I am going to injure or hurt the person.

-- Joshua

this is it! exactly. "tentative quality to touch" I "know' I won't hurt the person, but I think deep down that is what I am afraid of and its coming through. thank you for your ideas on working through this. I will do what you suggest. thanks
 
coming across as tentative

tribute said:
eyesofblue said:
Does anyone have any thoughts to how I can overcome this? It may be that I need to trust in myself more. I do try to center myself before starting a session and try to stay present with clear intention.

I am not sure if anyone ever called me tentative, but I have felt tentative sometimes. What has helped me become more confident with clients is experiencing lots of different bodywork myself. When I know how things feel to me during a session I am more confident delivering techniques to clients.

I wonder when you say that you try to stay present with a clear intention what does that mean to you?

see, I don't feel I'm being tentative. at least I'm not aware of it. I do need to receive more body work myself. I can see how that can help me with giving massage. and in more ways than one.

regarding your question about what being present with clear intention means to me, I need to consider what it does mean to me... I know what it means to me, but sometimes questions like this take a long time for me to put into words. not so good with words.
 


Gaspen said:
Congrats on graduating, getting licensed, and starting your own business. A great series of accomplishments so soon out of the gate.

thanks for the congrats. I do feel like its a great accomplishment to be where I am, however, it also feels like its going really slowly!!

I did just today schedule a first appointment with a client, first time with a client that I don't know! and frankly, first paying (others have been trades) a referral, so that feels good!
 


Savannah Bloom said:
Congrats!

It's easy to feel unsure at first, and even after years, you'll likely have an off day. :irked:
Getting lots of bodywork yourself from a lot of different people as mentioned by tribute is my number one suggestion.

And be sure you aren't holding your breath. :shocked:

Even just being aware if you're standing or sitting, are you loose and limber?

And smile while you're working, even if the person is face down! It will help you to relax. Just trust yourself, and keep at it. Your confidence will blossom!
savannah

great things to remember, breath, relax, smile... I have a quick meditation I do. as I breath in I think to myself, "breath in I calm my body" and as I exhale I think " breath out, I smile" it works! even if I am not feeling like smiling, it will get me there.
 


Congratulations Ellie on your graduation, licensure, and establishing of practice!

At one time I was told frequently by classmates that I worked with in school to 'just trust your hands'...

For me it was simple, it just took hours of practice. Each massage I completed I became more confident and more confident. I did take many hours of continuing education, despite the fact that I did attend an extremely well respected school prior to licensure.

It was fine to learn all of the anatomy in school and palpation skills but until I got out there, worked at a spa, saw a lot of clients and felt how everyone's body while basically the same in anatomical terms, are very different in structure energetically, muscularly and in other ways my experience had been limited.

The first six months for me were difficult in the confidence department...and then the veil just started to lift, and then it was like a snowball effect...the more confidence I gained, the better the massage I gave was received, which in turn just helped to support more confidence.

It is experience that will give you that support. It will come, but it may take a little while. It is also a process of amalgamating what you have learned with your own style...and style is once again something that evolves.

Massage therapy, like any other art, is so unique to every practitioner and takes hours of practice. I can tell just by your post that you are innately aware of intention which is the basis for all quality touch.

I think when I started asking the universe before I layed hands on to give me the insight to deliver through my hands what each client needed before my sessions, and asked that my ego be checked at the door, that is when my work became very interesting. When suddenly I was able to start taking the building blocks I had been given in school, and then imprinting my own technique and insight into the sessions, that is when it all became even more interesting and rewarding...and the biggest part of it is that I started trusting in my intuitive capabilities, plugging into that unseen matrix, and just letting it flow...

Keep on believing Ellie, in yourself, the work, even when the days are most challenging and you wonder is my work enough, am I enough...it is and you are! Enjoy this exciting time in the youth of your work...before you know it a couple of years will have gone by and you will have to remind yourself to come to the table with that wide-eyed freshness that just is for you now.

My best to you...
 


If nothing else, fake the confidence until it becomes the true confidence that only comes with experience.
 


Oh man, when I got out of school I got the same feedback, in fact, I think most of us do. The "fake it to make it" works really well, because if you can just act confident, they will think you are confident. Eventually it will come naturally.
 
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    SATURDAY at 𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗖𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟮𝟵𝟴-𝟬𝟴𝟵𝟴. 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough 416-298-0898 [/color] 4 Girls Today at Alice Spa: ELLA (12pm-8pm): is a small & curvy white young girl from Romania, super super busty EE Cups, blue eyes, blond hair, ok services, bbbJ cfs. Please call before booking her due to high demand. JULIA (12pm-9pm) from Philippines, young busty
  37. ASPA:
    SATURDAY at 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀: Jenny, Rachel & Tracy. 🅰️𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀🅰️, 28 South Unionville Ave, Unit 5, Markham. 🅰️𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟳𝟮𝟵-𝟲𝟲𝟬𝟲 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟴𝟯𝟵-𝟱𝟵𝟲𝟲🅰️ JENNY is a sexy Asian honey, about 165 Cms., slim to medium build, beautiful natural 36C’s, long sexy legs & big hips, good massage & excellent services. Jenny has sexy smooth skin and a very good personality.
  38. ForeverWarden:
    Saturday at 🫦❤️🔴🟥♾️𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓢𝓟𝓐♾️🟥🔴❤️🫦 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟴𝟬𝟬-𝟳𝟴𝟴𝟳: Cindy, New Girl Lina & Tray, Cindy is a slim beauty, 5’4”, natural C Cups & wonderfully long nipples. Her massage is nice, her bbbj will drive you wild & her cfs finish is a dream come true. Lisa is a young, slim, friendly & very beautiful Vietnamese beauty with a nice body, nice 34D boobs, slim waist
  39. SugarLoveSpa:
    Saturday at ❤️💙 💜⎝𝗦𝗨𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔⎠💖💗💘: ANA, LUNA, SARA & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON ☎ 𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟯𝟲𝟱-𝟮𝟲𝟴𝟴 ☎ ANA is a young, short and sweet lady, 5’1 & 105 Lbs, very tight, with a small to medium booty. Ana is a versatile honey who provides great massage, & can accommodate your needs. LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty nice natural 34C Cups.
  40. HolidaySpa:
    Saturday at 🌴😎🌅𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓢𝓹𝓪🌅😎🌴3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough ☎️𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟮𝟰𝟳-𝟭𝟭𝟵𝟵☎️AMY & NANA. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Don’t miss out on her special skills Nana is a slim and very sexy Korean lady, very pretty and accommodating. Come and try, you will like. 🌴😎🌅HOLIDAY SPA🌅😎🌴
  41. New Oriental Health Centre:
    🫦 Noor & New YOUNG t Asian Girl Angela are in today💄~📞Call 📲 Text: (647) 381-2688 💄Make Your Day Incredibly Delicious 🍑 Our girls provide lots of service options & are Extremely Open-Minded 🤗 We're Open 9am - 2am everyday! Drop in to Unit 26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  42. Lulu_Villa_Spa:
    Barbie Very Young, very Petite Korea Student With Perfect S shape type Spicy Smoking Hot Body Great BBBJ, CIM, GFE in Her menu Natalie she is CBC/filipina mixed Petite school girl
GFE, BBbj, DFK in her menu. ☎️647- 446-0886
  43. See You Health Center:
    Sami Gorgeous Model Type CBC Vietnamese School Girl Suki From Taiwan, sweet girl Sexy tight body amazing C cups with Those incredible nipples Elena Very young Vietnamese sweetheart girl has plump lips, flawless glory skin, ☎️416-988-2950
  44. Annie Spa:
    Our sexy new superstar Michelle is working today Saturday November 16th with gorgeous young girls Tina and Coco🔥😘 Michelle only works on Saturdays and her schedule gets booked up very quickly so book your appointments well in advance…it’s always a very special and busy day at Annie Spa on Saturdays when Michelle is working 💯😘❤️🥰100% real Michelle pictures💯💯🔥🔥 Call Annie Spa and ask for May to book appointments 💯❤️🙏🏻 1001 Sandhurst Circle Unit #7 Finch and McCowan Area 437-818-8
  45. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young beautiful girls are working today, young fun Yoyo 30’s with 36DD open mind and young slime Sophia 30’s, pretty GFE Lina and sweet Ella are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  46. Sunrise Health Centre:
    🫦 Noor & New Hot🔥 Girl Angela are here Today! 📞📲 (647) 325-8086 💦 We have Hot & Sexy Girls Every Day. 💋 They all do Extra Services & are Very Open-Minded ~ Drop In Anytime 🚶‍♀️🚶➡️ Walk-Ins Are Always Welcome! Unit 27, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill
  47. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix blossom Spa ♨️♨️♨️table shower 👍👍👍👍👍body scrub🌹🌹🌹🌹5124 Dundas W Etobicoke ☎️416-817-3366 Nice girl Luna is joining. She can provide a very good massage with sensual touch. She knows how to take direction and please a man. Suki 😘can provide deep Thai massage. She takes directions very well. She has many assets and knows how to use them. Come see her today.Welcome to walk in or make an appointment at any time. Plenty of parking space at the back door
  48. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: For Saturday November 16, 2024, our attendants will be Opal 🤗, Vicky 😘, Lucy 😍, Ivy ❤️ and Christina 🔥 Call 905-479-6668 to book and enjoy!
  49. Shangri-la Spa:
    💆‍♀💖Freedom Fri 💜💖 Ultimate destination for Asian massages🎉 Two fab spots: SL East & SL West, Richmond Hill & Oakville✨ Your passport to paradise with 9 enchanting girls fr China, HK, Japan & Korea — Aaliyah, Tina, Coco, Cici, JPN Yui, Super Happy, Echo, Selena & Doris— 🎁🍁 Ring us 📞647-695-6354 or text us 📱647-578-8169✨ 160 East Beaver Cr., Unit 12, RichmondHill 💰Where Eastern charm meets Western comfort - your bliss awaits🙌
  50. Endless Joy Spa:
    ✨✨✨✨✨[GRAND OPENING]✨✨✨✨✨ 💞Endless Joy Spa💞 🎇 (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565🎇10am-2am, New First Day Young Slim Petite Chinese Vivi, Tall Slim Sexy Chinese Kelly, Slim Chinese Lisa, Young Sexy Chinese Abie, Young Sexy CBC Rachel.
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