Cool Jokes

[Warrior Cat]

>>Lady : Is this my train?
>>Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
>>Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
>>this train to New Delhi.
>>Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
***
>>Wife : Do you want dinner?
>>Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
>>Wife : Yes and no.
***
>>A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
>>commotion in the gallery.
>>The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
>>The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a
>>scotch and soda."
***
>>Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
>>two days time?
>>Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
>>Customer : I bet you, it won't.
>>Post Master : Why not?
>>Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
***
>>An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
>>'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
>>'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
>>'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
***
>>Girl : Do you love me?
>>Boy : Yes Dear.
>>Girl : Would you die for me?
>>Boy : No, mine is undying love.
***
>>1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
>>2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
>>1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
***
>>Man : How old is your father?
>>Boy : As old as me.
>>Man : How can that be?
>>Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
***
>>Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
>>field"
>>Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
>>Teacher : How?
>>Student : Ladies first.
***
>>Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
>>Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
***
>>Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
>>Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
>>Customer : No, I can't.
>>Waiter : Then does it really matter?
***
>>Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
>>Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
***
>>Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
>>Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
***
>>Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
>>Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
***
>>Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
>>Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
***
>>Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
>>Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
***
>>Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
>>Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
>>the game went into extra time.

 

[Jospeh Skinner]

:lmao: ha ha