Do you want to admit to being British?!

[em101]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way tothe back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 2007 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2007 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth...

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2007 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

 

[8 In the corner]

makes you proud doesnt it

 

[ladyni]

 

[Jessica <33]

I found that funny but not as funny as it would have been if it wasn't for the worrying fact that most, possibly all of that is true!!!!!!!

Did I mention that I'm emigrating?

 

[paja]

The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them. (George Bernard Shaw).
....or highlight circumstances that they can feel superior to.

Dear Treacle,
Your list is funny, but it does highlight a very sad aspect of our culture- lack of pride, love of the beauty of our country.
My main embarrassment is abroad, where many English people do not even learn the language basics of the country they are visiting. (Government introduction of more languages at an earlier age could help.) Statistics can read anyway you want them to and I am sure that other countries have similar ridiculous statistics and habits.

The difference is, that they are not so self denigrating and critical of their homeland and can be proud of the positive aspects of their country and nation, unlike , it seems some English people.
I must say that the vast majority of my friends, colleagues would be insulted if the comments listed were applied to directly to describe them or their lifestyle, as I am sure you would be.
Kind regards,
springmoon77

 

[chileanbabe]

No, you didn't.

But since you have mentioned it now,

welcome to the Vulcan Federation.

 

[Love being MOMMY]

I'd like to point out that I hardly ever watch American TV shows on my Japanese TV. They're generally about as funny as having an enema and about as interesting as watching paint dry - with the odd exception of course.

 

[Alelmigmalelf]

I had a similar email last year and it was American - my friend who lives in Crete thought it was hilarious and gave many examples of how it related to Greeks - it is not just the Brits

Treacle, I thought it was funny even if others didnt

 

[nmcy2010]

????????

I thought all the posters thought it was funny - including myself. Mine was tongue in cheek - as all the stuff (German car, Indian takeway etc) is true bar the American progs.

 

[Tucker M]

happy girl - I didnt point out any particular post - and yes I read yours as tongue in cheek

I just thought it had started to go off the point as it is a jokes thread

 

[Jac]

Hi Treacle, Did make me smile!! No doubt we could get together a very long list if we thought about it!!

 

[Morancdona]

hehehe

 

[King Hippo]

Which is why, springmoon - it's in the jokes!

 

[chuck_junior]

Glad you liked it Hemelgirl. Who'd have thought anyone would take such a flippin' serious view of it!

 

[Pompal 09.]

Loved that Treacle, its so funny yet so true.

p.s. Can't believe one of the comments (far too serious)

ITS A LAUGH!!!!!!!!!

 

[lovin_him]

Quite so, Treacle.

1. Japanese car, in my case. Can't afford to run the Porsche. Rest is fine though.

2. Naturally. Blasted furriners.

3. If you did not have the taxes from the tobacco, and peole dying early without bunging up the hospital wards, how could you afford the healthy abstainers to die of old age?

4. I know. And I opened 54 of the bottles with my teeth after the A & E had separated them from the owners of the said teeth. And consumed the contents.

Shame to have them go to waste!

6. Not me. I have a thick skull, to go with my thick head.

Seriously funny jokes, though.

Regards.

Prashna

 

[Lori D]

I laughed sooooo much, thanks for posting Treacle!!

Love

Rebecca XX