Dodgy telephone enquiry for massage!

[Tyrone Biggums]

Am I missing something? Is the term 'complementary therapies' a new euphamism for 'lewd personal services'?

I had my first enquiry last night, from an advert I've had in the local paper's classified section, under 'compementary therapies'. It simply says 'mobile complementary therapies' my business name and my phone number.

The man on the phone asked "What do you do?" to which I replied, "Reiki, aromatherapy, IHM and ear candling" he then said "Oh so you don't do full body massage then" I then went on to explain that masssage forms part of an aromatherapy treatment. He then asked if I had a room at home he could come to as he lives out of the area and only comes to visit his girlfriend twice a week. I replied that I could only carry out treatments from home on certain days,and Iwould ask him to bring his girlfriend with him as I would not treat a male who is unknown to me on my own. He said this would not be a problem and then the phone went dead. I used 1471 and the number was withheld

Ten minutes later he rang again and apologised for the phone going dead and wanted to book a suitable day and time. I asked him if he knew if he had any contra-indications to an aromatherapy massage and he said no. I then asked him if he had any presenting conditions that he wished me to treat and he said no. I then asked him what he wanted from the massage and he said "I just have them purely for pleasure". Alarm bells started to ring then because if he'd had an aromatherapy massage before he would have known when I said I did aromatherapy, in his first phone call, that massage was involved. I then replied, in an authoritive tone, that I hoped by pleasure he meant relaxation. The phone went dead again and I've not heard from him since. URGHH!!

I'm going to insist now that any male clients are referred to me ONLY by existing, trusted clients.

 

[Tipsy32]

Hi,
Can I offer an alternative view?

I know there are some dodgy guys out there, and I would always recommend going with your intuition, but I wonder if you might be being a bit hard on him?

Your advert was vague - "mobile complementary therapies" doesn't really say what you do, does it? He asked if you do full body massage, but he has obviouslynever had aromatherapy. When he said "I just have them purely for pleasure" he could have been referring to previous body massages he's had that did not involve aromatherapy. And what's wrong with having a full body massage for pleasure? That's why I have them - when I feel like a bit of pampering.

So what are the other warning signs? He withheld his number - I always do that when I'm calling someone I don't know. He hung up twice - the first time might have been an accident, and the second time you scared him off! I don't think I'd want to come to someone who effectively reprimanded me for wanting pleasure from a massage!

Yes, you might be right, he could have been dodgy, but he could equally have been a man who enjoys massage and was a bit nervous about making the call to a somewhat unclear advertisement. Let's face it, there are usually other adverts that make it perfectly clear what they are offering, and massage is just one aspect! If he wanted extras, he could easily have called one of them rather than a vague "mobile complementary therapies" ad.


I think the important thing is to decide what your position is with male clients, set your boundaries and stick to them. Whatever you decide to do, you also need to make it clear in your advert. That way you also avoid the embarrasement of a lady booking a massage as a surprise present for a friend, and then finding out that the friend happens to be male - I have done this for male freinds, and it wouldn't have occured to me in the past to mention it to the therapist.

With love,
Amber

 

[littleme09]

Please don't be completely put off by stupid men who can neither read nor listen.
You stated clearly what your services are. You could add that a male chaperone will be present.
Remember Ignorance is cureable, stupidity isn't
from an old, male, expeienced, amateur masseur (no current cert.) with 30 years practice.

 

[Stephan Atkin]

Hi Amber Lady

Thank you for your alternative view, but my gut instinct told me that something was not quite right. I omitted to say that I asked him if he'd had an aromatherapy massage before and he said he had, I actually asked him what he wanted from the aromatherapy massage and it was his emphasis on the word 'pleasure' that I disliked.

"Your advert was vague - "mobile complementary therapies" doesn't really say what you do, does it?"

All of the other adverts in the same section are just names, professional membershipdetails and telephone numbers, apart from one who advertises herself as a reflexologist. I'm the only one advertising as mobile.

Also the lineage adverts in the complementary therapy section of the yellow pages could be percieved as vague because they don't state what the therapist does either.

But I would expect someone who claims to have hadan aromatherapy massage before, as in his case, would know that a practitioner offering 'aromatherapy' offers a range of massages as part of the therapy and would not feel compelled to say " So you don't do full body massage then"

If a male client comes to me via a gift voucher, then I'll obviously know the person I've sold the gift voucher to and I always take a note of the recipients name on the receipt so that I'll know who they are when they ring me for an appointment.

Love & light

Calmer

 

[pero?agni]

Then that is enough - I ALWAYS go with my gut instinct when I get calls from male clients (although I'm not a massage therapist) and even when I do see them, I make the appointment for the evenings and say something along the lines of "you may hear the front door at some point, but don't worry, it's just my partner, he won't come in here" so that way they know there's going to be another man around at some point. A friend of mine has an imaginary house-mate and leaves the telly on in the sitting room - loud enough to be heard as they come in through the front door but not so loud that it's disruptive - and asks them if they'd like her to get her house-mate to turn the telly down. Again they think there's someone else there.

I do think that sometimes we can get over-sensitive just because it's a man though - I'm cetainly guilty of that sometimes - but there are many decent men out there who would like to make use of complementray therapies, and it would be a shame if they were all turned way simply because of their gender. I even know some fully-staffed beauty salons that won't take men, so it's not just us who are mobile or work from home!

As for the wording of your advert, you know best what fits in with the publication that you're advertising in, but why fit in with what everyone else puts in? "mobile complementary therapies" doesn't tell me what you do or why I should call you rather than anyone else - off topic, I know, but I wonder if you're selling yourself to your best possible advantage?

With love,
Amber

 

[chyvrjid]

I agree, Amber, it's such a shame that a small contingent of men, whose massage requirements are on a different agenda, are spoiling it for the rest by putting us (female therapists) so much on our guard when dealing with prospective male clients. I wonder how many male therapists have to make such contingencies when treating a female client. ie bogushouse-mate, telly on, awaiting homecoming of partner, etc.

I would probably feel a bit easier if it was a new male client asking for something like Reiki or ear-candling, full body massage has so many connotations doesn't it.

I might just take up your advice on adding info to my addie, cost permitting. I'm trying to keep the lineage down as much as poss, which is probably why the other therapists put so little in their ads.

Thanks and love

Calmer

 

[ak47ren]

Just to play devil's advocate for a moment... is it the men who are spoiling it for the female therapists - or is it the other women who are advertising in the local paper offering massage, but really offering something else? Can you blame some men for getting confused? If your local paper is anything like mine, the majority of "massage" ads are really prostitutes.
Unfortunately, it's up to us to make sure what we do is absolutely clear, because we are in the minority.

 

[Linguff]

Hi Nick,

The other people who are advertising alongside my own advert do not mention massage at all in their ads and I can identify them all as being bona fide complementary therapists as I've met some of them and heard of the rest. My aromatherapy tutor warned us against the mention of massage in any of our newspaper ads due to the lewd connotations it may draw. I don't think I've ever seen any ads alluding to the 'other' sort of massage in our local paper, it's usually full of adverts for farm machinery and livestock sales, LOL. However, the nearby city's local paper has a column for 'Health and Beauty' which usually contains the ads for 'massage and shower'.

You are right about us making ourselves absolutely clear about the service we provide apropos the seedier side of the massage industry. I wonder whether the professional bodies can do more to make the line between us more distinct.