End of Life Discussion: would you have one with your doctor?

[Krystyn H]

I was just watching a program on the tube and they were discussing fatal illnesses and how doctors were uncomfortable having this discussion with their patients.

This is where you've been diagnosed with a fatal illness (cancer etc) and only have a certain amount of time to live.

The discussion is about once they've tried all they can, what do you want done? The doctor in the program was saying that in many cases, people end up lasting a little longer, and better instead of having that last ditch effort of chemo or an operation that has a 1 in a million chance of working but most likely will kill you.

I for one would have no problem having this talk. Death is a part of life and there's no reason to fear it.

 

[Vemsteele]

No thanks to the treatments DOC, give me oxycontin or dilaudid and a case of cialis. I'd liquidate everything, no treatment, just pain management. I'd get the top 25 on my TDL and go ass crazy! I'd pay for me for cremation is prepaid, and I would have the Funeral personal find a plot for two Urns, my parent and I and pay for that.

My will is very clear what is to be done with my belongings, property, investments and cash. If there's any left after my TDL! LOL, just kidding!

 

[Susie T]

Good question

I think most of us would answer, skip the last long shot deal, when we are sitting here and discussing a what if. I think its hard to tell what someones actual decision would be when they are facing that final choice. Humans by nature I think will grab to every last bit of life, unless the quality of life has really fallen.

Having said that, I know im on a shorter candle than many and than I was a short time ago. Thus some of my priorites have certainly changed. I will pick quality of life over total time. Partially cause im trying to tie up loose ends now so I dont feel they will be hanging later.

Wow sounding a bit morbid....Lets get back to the send scotty to the admirals girls program arty::

 

[SassyB]

In theory that is quite true however the closer you get to it harder the reality becomes.

Especially if you have regrets or unfinished business occupying your thoughts.

 

[peecheedandee]

I used to think that I'd die gracefully having already accepted my place in this world, that I wouldn't be afraid of death having already had that conversation many times with God, but I've realized this past year that I'm the kind of person who will die kicking and screaming, fighting for every last moment. I don't know if i like what that says about me.

And no I wouldn't care one way or the other what a doctor said to me. I don't trust them.

 

[DARKESTKNIGHT]

Both my parents died of cancer, I watch has they suffer through it. You are not there mentally at times and the pain you are in the meds don't even touch. I watch my father dying and he was in so much pain he want me to turn off the machine he was on, he and I have a special bond. He cried at the pain, my Father, the man I knew would never have done that before with pain. Finally we talk to his doctor.

My Mother did everything she could, the meds drove her out of her mind. She was crying everybody was trying to kill her, which was not the case. The meds are so strong you do not realize what you are saying. It was worst than my Dad. The longer you go the worst it becomes and you are not you anymore.

We use to have our elderly living with us, when they died it was part of life. Now we stick them away, now we and our children have not really learn how to handle death. If death is a another step why are people scared of it.

I say death is a Woman who likes to torture me, tease me and play with me. I am in pain everyday, I play with it but my pain is becoming worst, I would not be scare if she came to end this pain.

 

[Hands]

It says you would want to hold on to who you are. There is no shame in that only honesty at it's purest level.

 

[old know all]

I came into this world kicking and screaming.

While I will go out fighting I will go quietly into the night when the time comes.

 

[iambettyboop]

The "kicking and screaming" attitude is one the doctor discussed. He said he had patients who (while drifting in and out of consciousness) told him try everything. The problem with that is more often than not, that final treatment will make your final days a living hell. Or as in the case of that last ditch surgery, your body isn't capable of sustaining that stress so you die on the table. Or you come out of it in a coma and die hooked up to respirators not able to say goodbye to your loved ones.

He went on to say, that studies have shown that those that choose to die peacefully at home, surrounded by loved ones, and forgo that last ditch treatment tend to last 25% longer than those that opted for the radical harsh treatment.

He said that one thing that many doctors have lost is the "care" part of being a doctor. Not just treatments. That doctors have to accept the fact that the quality of one's final days is often more important than putting a patient through hell when they "know" it won't do any good.

There was also a program on "when to pull the plug" and showed many people, spending billions of dollars, hooked up to machines, shitting into a bag, unconscious, with no hope of ever recovering. That scared me more than the possibility of death. I'd personally hate to go out like that. I'd prefer to have all that equipment used on someone who has the possibility of recovering or the treatment of a kid who has his whole life ahead of him than waste that energy on a lost cause......

 

[zxcvbnm]

Live every day as if it could be your last.

We have a dear friend that has an inoperable tumor in her brain... (well, its operable, but it will most likely leave her in a vegetative state...) it could go at any moment. Wonderful woman with 2 children and a husband. Mrs. CG has become quite close with her... :arf:

She's opting out of the surgery (living as a veggie is NOT an option for her!) and she is living her life like every day is a gift and it could very well be her last. :love:

They are busy going through their bucket list. :great:

 

[Wendi888]

Never fear Death. It is the final goal we all shall achieve.

It is what you do between the time you are born and the time you die that counts.

A good and gentle person tries to set an example of how to live life everyday.

My dad taught me, with his devotion to my mom, my sister and myself, how to live.

When his time came, he set the bar even higher.

 

[ANON123456]

Thank you for saying that Maurice.

 

[Shorty15c4]

Maybe we need a separate person to discuss this with, a doctor usually has a conflict of interest because they specialize in saving lives. Can we decide this for someone else, like Robert Latimer did?
Perhaps someone anonymous like Sue Rodriguez found?
Mercy killing is done more often than reported with someone being bold enough to carry this out, but it's still a taboo topic to discuss.

 

[Cub-oh!]

I have gone through this recently with a SO who battled cancer for 10 plus years. In the end she accepted her fate withe the same grace and dignity that she fought the good fight. No one fought harder and put up with more pain with more courage and determination. She lived twice as long as others with similar initial diagnosis - Pat Burns and Farrah Fawcet. She always wanted to know where she stood and took delight in proving the doctors wrong about longevity although she knew she would never entirely escape her fate.

In her case she got the final confirmation of her "best before date" (as she called it) from a palliative care doctor. This is what they do, they look after the terminally ill. They are first introduced to you as being there for pain management but gradually they make sure that you know exactly what your situation is. They, or a palliative Nurse Practicioner will usually volunter to tell your loved ones for you if you do not think you can handle that or if they are likely to have medical questions.

While this happens alarmingly quickly it is still a relatively slow process at the very end. You know you are dying but there is some comfort in having someone to reassure you that you will have a gentle flight when the time comes.

For my own part, I doubt that I would handle it with as much grace as she but I would want to know. I work hard and put in long hours and travel to places on business that would never be on anyone's vacation to do list. I would hate to think that I wasted the last year of my life working when I could have been travelling around the world or whatever one chooses to do.

She had the proverbial sword over her head for 10 years which is akin to torture in my mind but for 8 or those there was the slim hope that they would come up with new drugs or treatments. The last two were spent squeezing every last drop out of this life.

Everyone is different and I write this as just an example of someone I loved and admired in every increasing amounts as she constantly amazed me with her strenght. She was a kind and gentle soul with the heart of a lioness.

 

[mike70025]

God Bless you LG

What a fine sentiment, and a sincere memorial to an obviously outstanding woman.

Im sure we all aspire to face the situation with such courage when our time comes.

here here

 

[maybe its Emilyy:)]

+1

My heart goes out to you LG. Also to blissful, who watched her parents die in pain.

I too have watched loved ones suffer painful death, and it has caused me to re-evaluate my views about aging and euthanasia.

The irony today is that science also holds promise for extending life to a century or more.

But is that a good thing? Would you choose it?

Thanks to the baby boom generation now into their 60s, people in their 30s and 40s today may have some choice about whether to live to 100, and they may well choose not to aim for that ripe old age, particularly if they see it as rotten old age.

Medical science may find ways for more of us to get us to 100, but there are many issues surrounding quality of life. And an aging population puts great strain on society's infrastructure. It's highly likely that in the next couple decades political and social exigencies will finally roll back the taboos on euthanasia, the right of the individual to self-terminate.

Laws today still refuse to let us choose when or how to die. Right-to-die activists are still marginalized as cultish Kevorkian figures. Soon, however, you can expect boomers to start making waves for the right to terminate life rather than suffer incapacitating illness. As cash-strapped governments recognize the fiscal benefits of reduced palliative care, the laws will change.

You will have the option to weigh the quality of your existing health, your declining well-being, your potential future lifestyle or lack thereof, and you will be able to make some tough decisions.

Perhaps you will choose to make your 75th or 80th birthday your farewell party.

Some drinks with some good friends, some laughs, and when the guests are gone, another glass of fine wine, a potent pill . . .

And a final deep breath to snuff out the candles.