English 101

[richard w]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will
be the official language of the European nation rather than German
which
was
the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as
"Euro-English".

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words
like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech
oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.