ER Stories

[under_score91]

A 50-year old woman came into the ER with a complaint of mild abdominal
pain. During a pelvic exam the doctor found that the lady had inserted
a whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina and then safety-pinned her
labia shut. Unable to have children she was hoping that the chicken would
turn into a baby.

A man in his mid-fifties did a Lorena Bobbit on him self in a drunken rage
and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the
mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition.
The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on.
During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from
the mans poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the
officer
was able to retrieve the mans jewels from the dogs mouth. After inspection of
the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be
taught to pee while sitting, (if you know what I mean). The officer was
given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance.

An elderly woman came into the ER complaining: "I got the green vines in
my virginny" (Interesting). A pelvic exam verifies that she does indeed
have a six inch vine growing out of her vagina. Further inspection reveals
that she has a mass in her vaginal vault. It is easily removed and looks very
much like a potato. It is indeed a potato, the patient said that her uterus
was falling out and that she "put a potato in there to hold it up" and
then forgot about it.

A woman with shortness on breath and who weighted approximately 500 lbs
was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. While trying to undress
the lady an asthma inhaler fell out of one of the folds under her arm.
After an X-ray showed a round mass on the left side of her chest her massive
left breast was lifted to find a shiny new dime. And last but not least
during a pelvic exam a TV remote control was discovered in one of the folds of
her crotch. She became known as "The Human Couch".