Funniest Quotes You Could Possibly Find

[Monkey0]

I found all of these in Uncle John's Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader.
It's my mom's, I don't know where she got it.
Anyway here are just some quotes I found in here... Bush has his own little section.

"The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing." -Dizzy Dean.

"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I can assure you, it's much more important than that." -Bill Shankly.

"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me.. I want all the kids to copulate me." -Andre Dawson, Chicago Cubs Outfeilder.

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." -Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach.

"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious." -Charles Shackleford, NCSU basketball player.

"Better make it six; I can't eat eight." Pitcher Dan Osiniski, when asked if he wanted his pizza sliced into six peices or eight.

"He's a guy who gets up at six in the morning, reguardless of what time it is." -Lou Duva, boxing trainer, on the regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

"We're going to turn this team around three hundred sixty degrees." -Jason Kidd.

Bushisms:

"Families is where our nation takes hope, where wings take dream."

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family."

"What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically deliniate upon whatever. However they deliniate, hard quotas, I think vulcanize society."

"I know the human being and fish and coexist peacefully."

"I will have a foriegn handed foreign policy."

"I would have to question the questioner. I haven't had a question to question when I will question the questions the questioners have been questioning."