George Carlin's New Rules For 2008

[startrak]

If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, "He was a loner." Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ****. I don't believe there's any problem in ths country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit