Hitting your children.

[michelle a]

Like most of you when I was bad my parents will take the whip or a backhand as punishment. Now that I have kids I never lay a hand on them, there are better ways to educate them with what is right or wrong. How many of you were hit by your parents?.

There are times that a good backhand will work with my youngest as he just doesn't want to listen. How many of you have been tempted by it?.

 

[Bench Bum]

My Father smacked me a hard one once. Never hit me again, I was too scared to get it again.

 

[*~Ms Kitty~* MOJO COUGAR]

I grew up with two extremes; a step father who used the belt, and a father that used consistency.

It got to the point where corporal punishment was not effective for me as a form of discipline. I viewed it as unfair, and it made me lose respect for my step father. My transgressions, I thought, were never on par with the punishment doled out to me.

Now, if my father was visibly upset with me, I knew I had pushed it too far! He shook me once, I think I was around eight years old...I never forgot that. For him to be that PISSED that he would actually do that affected me more than anything, because he never resorted to laying a hand on me.

My step father was always pissed enough to hit me, so it meant nothing. But when my father got to the point of laying a hand on me (even just to shake me), I knew it was serious.

I will use time outs and consistency with my children.

oddball is right, too. Both parents must be on the same page in terms of discipline. I've seen it time and again where one parent is way more lenient with the children than the other, and at that point, the children hold all the cards. In addition, when a time out is given, or grounding, there should be no "letting them go" halfway through the time out or grounding...if they do the crime, they should do the time. All of it.

Rules need to be consistently enforced, and time outs given on a consistent basis. If you say 'no' and allow a child to whine and bargain a 'yes' out of either parent, you are setting yourself up for disaster. In addition, rules should be fair and not too many; parents need to pick their battles!

Children learn very, very quickly how far they can push the rules, or the parents. From the time they are toddlers they are testing their limits.

They will play you like a fiddle if you let them.

 

[.fired77]

A whip ? :whip::gasp:

Really ?:whip::gasp:

 

[Uncle Tom]

Looks like you've been whipped before or was that pussy whipped. :go:

 

[Mother Hubbard]

I grew up getting good beatings from both my mother and father. Belts, sticks whatever was handy I would get beaten with. What I learned from that as a child was only fear and terror.

I now have two teenage kids. When they were little, I would go as far as spanking them, not too hard but enough for them to know that I meant business. I only ever had to spank them twice in all those years. They just needed to know that it wasn't an empty threat, needed to know that if had had to count past three then I would follow through with a spanking.

The difference between my relationship with my kids to the relationship I had with my parents... respect. My parents only taught me fear, I taught my kids mutual respect. I always explained to them the why's of right and wrong and never just left it at "because I said so".

I agree with the above posters... consistency is key. Follow through on the punishment if need be and make sure you and your spouse are on the same page.

 

[arslan_018]

Ditto, once is enough for the smart ones.

 

[snoopy]

My mother used to take a beating on me regular with a brush. She graduated to the bamboo handled feather duster...you could here the swoosh of it 5 seconds before it hit. She then took to giving me regular backhands. My father never laid a hand on me and was the most gentle person and is to this day....wonder how he stayed with her for so long...probably because beat the shit outta him too.

I don't have kids but I freak out when I see a parent going overboard in public.

You get more bees with honey than vinegar.

 

[Katelyn]

I think you mean flies.

 

[I Hate Pia Mellody]

My Dad never touched us (Thank God, his hands were as big as thetank's). Beatings were had by my mother only. Name it anything near her it will fly on our heads. We now joke with my younger brother by the time he was a teenager Mom had no more energy left and he escaped Scott free.

Like a poster said in the beginning intimidation is needed at a young age otherwise they will walk over you. My kids are well behaved, responsible with a strong head on their shoulder because of my Mother's mistakes. What some don't realize is the older generation married at a young age and had no idea how to treat troubled teenagers.

 

[Bella Ella]

.

I still remember the look on my young son's faces when I asked them why houses had walls . They both laughed and said " to hold up the roof " . I said no it was to stop children from rolling onto the street after their dad gave them a good back hander . I said it half jokingly but they both looked at me incredulously and said " your dad hit you " .

I then realized there was no going back . They were both just under 10 years old but were horrified that a dad would hit his kid . They had no idea when I was growing up everybody hit you . Dad , Mom , teachers , relatives all had the right to smack you or so they thought .

Some kids do need an occasional spanking but I think they are the exception . Corporal punishment should be the last resort not the first response .

 

[coopchic]

I was beaten to a pulp !

 

[elenelie]

You should of lived with the Maple leafs......they don't beat anyone :happy:

When I was younger and misbehaved, my old man would kick the shit outta my brother and I. Now that he's in his late 60's, I go over and smack him around, and say "How do YOU like it fuck face?"

 

[James L]

I dont like it too much son!:grrrrrr:

 

[ariellee.]

I got that too...jeezus that fuckin' hurt. The last time my mom took that duster to me, I stood and took it and never let out a peep. With every swing and connection, I just looked at her, bit my lip and gave her the meanest scowl while holding back the tears. It only took 5 swings for her to realize that I had had enough of this type of punishment and she never did it again. I think I was 10 or so.

I've spanked my kids a couple of times, I called it more of an attention getter than a full out spanking; meaning one wollop on the behind with a "smarten up" added in for good measure. My Ex took her hand to them so often that I restrained her one time and put her up against the wall and told her the next time she hit any of the kids, I'd hit her back...she never touched them again....and I have full custody

 

[tynamitom]

After careful data collecting and statistical analysis of this thread I can conclude at a 95% confidence level that:

If you hit your children they will turn into hobbists and post in fourms.
:he:

I do not support violence of any sort.
Zero tolerance for abuse.
Heck the only hypocrisy I am fine with is abusing the abuser!

I remember getting hit once by my dad on the butt....i did something bad i think....I was young.
or maybe it was my soccer coach.....yikes

 

[janna]

I think there is a huge difference between spanking and beating. I was mildly spanked when I deserved it which wasn't that often and I didn't grow up wanting to pull wings off flies.

PS see signature

 

[bluePumpkin]

I had friends who were from Chile. Hanging in the kitchen was what they called a "martinette". Think the "cat'o'nine tails" without the cat - just the nine tails.
Most well behaved kids ever.
And that damned thing was never even off the wall the years I knew them.

 

[Deadhead Incognito]

Like most of the other posters, getting hit as a kid was pretty normal. Dad with bare hands, Mom with a spatula or whatever was handy. As their marriage and financial situation got worse, the hitting seemed to get more frequent. Mom eventually gave up on her own and Dad gave up when I stopped him. It sounds really bad as I write it down but I think most of my friends went through the same sort of thing, it was just more acceptable back then.

I've never hit my kids and they're turning out just fine. I'm letting my anger and violent tendencies fester until the boys start coming around. Welcome to hell, son.:666:

 

[Peppe]

I wish I got hit!

My dad was on the road most of the time when I was growing up, so my mom was the main "punisher" in my case.

Although I don't remember getting anything more than a spanking when I was just a little guy... my older brother and sisters spoke of flying brushes, spatulas and plastics plates! LOL Apparently mom grew out of that by the time I came along, since I have no recollection of that what-so-ever... there was the ever popular "Wait till your father gets home" threat, which scared the crap out of us, so that usually sufficed.

But as I got older the folks found that that wasn't such a great deterrent since he only came home on weekends, and then the threat had worn off... so they came up with grounding me instead. I HATED getting grounded! That was a much better punishment in my case. I would have gladly accepted a whack here and there since pain lasts only a short time, but grounding lasted a week or longer depending on the seriousness of the infraction!

I don't ever recall smacking my own kids... They never really did anything as young kids to warrant it. Now though as teenagers, I confiscate their stuff or restrict privileges instead! Taking away their I-pod, cell phone, interenet access and outright groundings are MUCH more effective! LOL! :666: