How To Heal The Inner Child...

[Facts]

Hi All,

I'm not sure where to put this post because I'm asking a very simple, basic question which may seem a bit weird to you but I really need some advice here.

Ok, here goes. How does one learn to heal the inner child? Now I know about the emotional/psychological effects of healing the inner child and I've been working hard on the for the past two years.

I've come a long way but I'm now down to the basics of how do I learn to have fun, learn to play? the practical side of it all.

I've been told I'm a serious person and I didnt want to believe it, I've always thought I was easy-going, fun, but mature and sensible (ie: adult). But, they were right, I am serious and I dont' know how to have fun, let go, have a good belly laugh.

It's taken me two years to learn to cry (as we werent allowed to as children, even after being punished), so I suppressed that side of me. However, over the years I learnt to suppress my fun/playful side too and I guess I became non-emotional. I learnt to be tough on the outside and how to destroy any type of enjoyment I may experience....I became numb!

I've opened up a lot, learnt (or still learning) to express myself more freely, to learn about who I am and what my likes and dislikes are. What I want now is to learn how to play.

I've tried the usual things like joining groups, counselling, taking up a hobby but I'm still left feeling "alone", that I dont fit in and that I cannot really have fun.

So, what I was thinking was, maybe I need to learn how to play, you know, like a child. However I dont know how to do that anymore. I can barely remember doing that as a child, or what it was like playing with my family and freinds.

I dont have a close friend or family member close by that I can go and have fun with, it's pretty much myself and my husband, he is fairly serious too.

Maybe I need to learn to love being with me before I can do that with anyone else. Now I have no problem being alone (I'm used to it), I have no problem taking time out, relaxing, meditating, but it's all fairly heavy, serious stuff. I rarely do something that results in me having a laugh.

This is where my strange question comes in. How do I learn to play, by myself that will help release my inner child?

I hope someone can help me because I feel this is what I need to learn to do before I can move on, I just don't know how to.

Many thanks...

Love

Whiteswan[/align]

 

[One More Year Nick! (2)]

Hello Whiteswan

I always feel it's so sad when I learn that people were squashed or repressed and not allowed to express emotion as children. All that "big boys don't cry" and "it's not nice for girls to get angry" nonsense. It's usually the case that this is how the parents themselves were brought up, and so it goes on down the generations.

If you absolutely knew that there was no possibility of being told off or punished for doing it, what would you really like to do? What game would you like to play? Who would you like to play with? Can you let your imagination run a small riot on this one?

A couple of books which you might find helpful are:

Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families ~Charles L. Whitfield


This is a lovely book, not very big and not too heavy going, with many explanations and exercises to try.

Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child
~John Bradshaw
A heftier tome, both in size and content, but also very good.I double-checked both on Amazon, and it seems the links do work - they don't always to that site.

Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life may also be helpful.


Another thought for you: How would you feel about possibly playing with others in a similar situation? I mean doing a workshop. As you've helpfully put your location in your profile, I just put "inner child workshops scotland" into Google, and there seem to be quite a few.You might like to have a look anyway.

Hope some of this is helpful, and very best wishes ... this is not easy work, but most worthwhile.

BTW, there's a naughty part of me that always wants to squeak the rubber toys in the pet food section in supermarkets and then run away before I get caught, and I often indulge her, to the amusement of other shoppers

Laura.

 

[dudeydogdog]

Hi Whiteswan

This is an interesting post and one that I welcome. I am at this stage also.

Holistic suggested some books and the one I bought a couple of weeks ago is Homecoming by John Bradshaw. It is very good so far and I have now reached the first meditation in the book, which is a meditation to reclaim your inner child. It is quite a long meditation so I need to buy a tape recorder to record and listen, so have come to a halt for the moment. I am looking forward to working through this book and seeing the changes I hope it brings about. Although I am doing this inner child work completely on my own its reassuring to know that HP is always there if I get stuck.

About the fun thing - this has also been a problem for me. I am going to balance things out a bit more and try things that have appealed before and sound like fun to do. I have enrolled for bellydancing classes but unfortunately missed the first class last week because I was unwell - determined to go this week though. Again, I will be going on my own as none of my friends wanted to do bellydancing, but it doesn't bother me.

If you would like any info on the above book please just ask.

Sandra
x

 

[Fienueguge]

Hi Holistic,

Thanks for your reply and for the book recommendations.

I already have Louise Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life, but will try to find the others you mentioned.

The difficulty I find is trying to remember what I liked doing as a child, how I played etc. What (if there were no restrictions) would I liked to have done, but right now, my mind is blank, I'm not sure I can think of anything.

I guess in time it will come to me as I learn to relax more and listening to "little me".

One thing I've wanted to years but keep changing my mind on is I want some silly, fluffy animal slippers. You know the ones, like say, a rabbit or tiger or something, stuck on the end of my feet. But then the sensible part kicks in and says "oh don't be so silly", maybe I should treat myself to some silly slippers (though as a rule, I dont "do" slippers) I think it's just the fun part of me really.

Thanks for your help!

Whiteswan [sm=hug.gif]

 

[acaspaainq]

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your reply!

I have pm'd you, I hope you don't mind.

I've recently taken up belly-dancing too, and enjoy it, I'm sure you will too.

Love

Whiteswan xx

 

[vjejwuroilaizweob]

[sm=nature-smiley-008.gif]Hi Whiteswan[sm=sandrine.gif]

Therapetic solutions don't always have to be that complicated. Keep it simple!
You could begin with an informal self help group, gather a few friends around.[sm=grouphug.gif]

All you need is playdough formed into whatever shape you choose, jelly, spoons for eachplayer ( they make handy projectiles) or perhaps access to water & bubbles.

Invite them round to your garden or any open space each find a natural corner, take up your toys & let the play commence..Yell whatever 'nonsense' comes into your headas the jelly flies ..


[sm=jump1.gif][sm=jump1.gif][sm=eeeK.gif][sm=bouncy.gif][sm=jump1.gif][sm=jump1.gif][sm=crazyjacky_seilchensmiley1.gif]

Allow yourself to be happy..

x

 

[i <3 books]

Coming from a different perspective, since we have had our dogs I have found they make us smile and laugh so much more than before we got them! They are always playing and trying to get us to join in.

I read somewhere that part of a dogs gift to us humans is to remind us to play and enjoy life. When I look at our dogs I see clearly that they really do love life and everyone, and it gets you thinking.

Kids are probably the same, but i haven't gone down that route yet

[sm=dogrun.gif]

 

[cbeneuomixaillegt]

thanksd for the post whiteswan...i feel as if i am here too,going to get the books mentioned in the next few weeks as i feel these will helpm me and my partner x

 

[Saf]

Thanks for all the reponses everyone, much appreciated.

Unfortunately, I do not have any friends around here, I have some online friends but nobody to "call on", same with family. Children (inc. nephews & nieces) are all of the ages 12, 14, 16. 20, 21 & 23 so past the "kiddie" stage and wanting to play especially with mum/aunty. Besides, nephews/neices live over 400 miles away in totally opposite directions.

As for animals...that's another no-no...hubby is severely asthmatic and cannot tolerate animal hair. I've thought about a little doggie, but it's not possible with my husbands health problems.

No, anything I do, will have to be alone. What I did do today was I bought a colouring book, but not a baby one, one where there is a coloured sketch on one side (grown up) and you copy it on the other side. Shows different colours, shading etc. So I bought that and some artistic pencils which may help me be more artistic and expressive, I used to enjoy colouring in when I was little. So that's a start!

No doubt other things will come to mind as I become more comfortable.

Many thanks!

Love

Whiteswan [sm=hug.gif]

 

[Pompal 09.]

Hi Whiteswan

That sounds like a really good idea. I bought some paintbrushes about 3 years ago because I used to enjoy drawing and painting at school, but I never felt inspired enough to use them, felt sort of blocked. Then thought about art classes as they do them locally but chickened out for some reason, it seemed like too big a deal to me. It has crossed my mind that I have a fear of being happy, if that makes sense.

I will think again about the drawing, its is a good way of expressing yourself and probably has loads of other benefits too. Thanks for that idea.

Sandra
x

 

[Italiancraze]

Hi Whiteswan and everyone who has joined the thread



What I want to say to anyone who is considering inner child work, is that this can sometimes be a painful and difficult process, ultimately rewarding indeed in terms of self discovery, but not one to be rushed, nor for there to be a right or wrong way of doing things. Be gentle and nurturing to yourselves.

So, Whiteswan, if you find your mind is a blank, that's fine, perhaps that's how it's meant to be for the time being, like a kind of safety valve. The other thing is that the mind can go blank sometimes if you're looking too hard. Little bits of memory and revelations can surface when we're least inspecting them, like "aha" moments. A bit of personal astrology for you … with my moon in a water sign, I often get them – about all sorts of things – when I'm near water. In the bathroom, washing up etc. Our moon sign is about our emotions.

I'll just add here that if anyone is embarking on a path of self-discovery, IMHO getting your birth chart done can be a very good starting point, and the result very enlightening without pushing comfort boundaries too far.

Other people may make suggestions about what has worked for them, and no detriment to anyone is intended when I say that if something does not appeal to you, or feels scary, don't do it. This, of course, applies equally to anything I might post! If you don't like it, or it doesn't resonate, just ignore it.

You don't have to find small children to play with in order to get in touch with your own inner child, nor necessarily to engage in children's games. What you have already posted about your colouring book for instance, Whiteswan, is a great example of allowing your creativity free rein. Another – hypothetically – might be for someone who had a houseproud mother and was not allowed as a child to make a mess, to enrol in an adult education pottery class and make as much mess as they want to!



Go shopping. Indulge yourself. If you don't find what you want, make your own from a pair of plain slippers and a visit to a toy shop for fluffy animals to sew or staple on. No-one will know you're not buying presents for tiny twins!!!

Sebenny, you said:



Yes, it makes perfect sense. Here's a thought though… could it possibly be not so much fear of being happy as needing to give yourself permission to be happy? IME, people sometimes need to give themselves the permission to do all sorts of things that was not granted when they were little. It's very freeing, very wheeeee! I can do that now if I want to. Very good forlittle inner rebels, too

I'll leave it here with a link to an earlier thread:

[link=http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=128393]http://www.healthypages.net/forum/tm.asp?m=128393[/link]

This was called Parent, Adult and Child, and was a discussion about the inner ego states in us all. It's perhaps a

 

[lollyT456]

Hi Whiteswan,

As soon as I read your post I thought "colouring in" immediatley, so great minds think alike!!!!. I LOVE colouring in, I used to buy my own felt tip pens and when the girls were in bed I would colour in one of their pages from their books lol.

I then got more bolder and bought a few grown-up type books with lots of geometric shapes etc and there are beautiful mandala colouring books out there ( I think I ordered my first one from a book club). If you're interested I will look out for them the next time the club sends a brochure.

I've had my leg pulled by my friends but I don't care, colouring in is very therapeutic!

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

 

[Mr Sheepy is back again]

Hi there,

I'm also doing some of that work with the help of a hypnotherapist/NLP counciller which seems to be working.

Just had a couple of additions in the form of remedies that are useful tools to help us get in touch with our playful side.

The Bush essence: Little Flannel Flower
http://www.ausflowers.com.au/shop/scditem.asp?id=31&catid=1

The animal essences: Dolphin
http://www.animalessence.com/what.html

and otter:
http://www.animalessence.com/what2.html

Hope these help

 

[?_? ?r.smile]

Ah yes, the inner child. Some awesome viewpoints so far!

I found in my contemplations, that children are happy and optomistic because they do not remember their past.They are newborn, fresh, and have nothing holding them back.Certain memories from the past can make us happy and sad, but they can also shape us, and cloud us with emotions that we created and weren't ours in the first place.

So then, our past makes up our karma. So finding the inner child could involve releasing built up emotions and feelings from past experiences. If we don't let the past intervene in our actions and thoughts, then we are free of karma, and have found our inner child.

I know it can be difficult for me to be playfull if I am feeling down. And one of the reasons I would be feeling down is because of some sort of past happening. If I put it behind me, I am fresh, and optomistic. Those who are pessimistic dwell on the past, and cannot let go.

This is the whole reason we cover up our inner child, our experiences as we get older.

Meditation is an excellent way to heal and releasethe many masks covering our inner child. Also, anytime we percieve something, and relate it to the past, remember what is going on in your head, lol.

love and light
Elyezual.

 

[JoelKatz]

hi,
i am finding out myself that my inner child needs to play,
I have children but do find it vey hard to let go and be silly and child like round them,maybe it's the responsible role that i find hard to let go of.
when i was a child i used to love making mud pie's on my mum's coffee table,quite funny come to think of it coz i'm an earth sign too,so i think i'll go make some mud pie's with my kids it's wet enough!
u have some great responses so i will try and some of the books mentioned.

love n light

 

[*JGM*]

There are also workshops and inner child therapists if you get stuck.

Penny Parkes has also written some books on the inner child although I have not read them.

She is very impressive, comes highly recommended and trains qualified therapists.

For a beginner to self development and self healing I would strongly recommend an inner child workshop or a workshop that includes inner child work. You just can't beat being in the hands of a professional if you wish to fast track your progress and evolvement.

Onwards and upwards

Love beyond measure

Kim xx

 

[A Rainy Knight]

Hi Whiteswan ,
Hope you are doing ok - just found your post.

I would recommend doing The Journey.
I used this technique myself , first with a qualified practitioner, and then on my own - it has been startlingly effective for me.
Brandon Bays wrote a book of her experiences of dealing with and releasing old emotions , which she believes are stuck inside us somewhere, holding us back and keeping us often in a negative state.
This was very true for me.
When we are treated , as children, as naughty and that our behaviour is undesirable it creates so much confusion andinhibition and makes us stifle our true selves. This is then a habit that we carry into adulthood.
My Journey sessions ( rather like guided meditiations, but once you learn the technique is possible to do it alone ) released emotions I didn't even know I carried , that were so powerful it was no wonder I was stuck !
Forgiveness is at the heart of the technique . When we are holding on to negative emotions we also hold resentments, and it is the true forgiveness that brings the healing - this can be forgiving ourselves as well as others. I needed to forgive my parents.
It is a wonderful technique, that has enabled me to leave behind what I now see as the old , sad me, who was so repressed and lacking in motivation, to become the me of today ....... happy, able to look to the future and fulfill my potential.

With love Ru xx

 

[Busters Mom]

[Deleted by Admins]

 

[sailormandave]

Hello Whiteswan,

I just want to say that I think you are very couragous to have posted in this way, it is a remarkable achievment to have come as far as you have, maybe it would be a good idea to stay with the new realisation that you need to laugh, let go, play and have fun before attempting to act on it, maybe once you are settled and comfortable with this new revalation things will come to you naturally.
I have been where you are now and two and a half years on I realise looking back that I began do do things 'all of a sudden' I have a child's colouring book, I take great delight fromstockpilling Cadbury's Cream Eggs for the months in the year when Cadbury's stop making them, I love doing big splashes in huge puddles at the side of the road in my car when it's safe to do so and I've got some wellies for splashing about in on rainy days. My neighbours are used to me now but I learned it's about not caring what others think, we don't want the disapproval of others we want to make friends, be liked and fit in but I've found on the whole the worst that can happen is people think you are eccentric or nice-mad/bonkers, but actualy still like you, some, albeit it only occasionally will come up and tell me they wish they could do whatever mad as a box of frogs thing I get caught red handed doing in the street or my yard lol!
I hope this has helped, you had some wonderful replies the people on HP really are the greatest! Good luck sweeteheart you never have to be alone, you always have us.

Love, Light and Cardbury's Cream eggs that are mine, mine mine!

Rebecca x

 

[mrs_g2]

whiteswan-

i was especially interested in what you said about crying. this is something i'm learning to do, as well.

what has helped me get to this point is relaxation-easingthe body to relax and release tension, then thoughtfully walking through goals or concerns.

it seems you have a very sensitive understanding of how you as a person work, but would like to get further in touch with that and make healing use of what you know. bringing that understanding to the surface or 'outside' sounds like a key challange.

there's a form of hands-on therapy called "play therapy" that is often used with children but in increasingly being used with adults, as well. in this case, allowing your inner child to play andgain some insight through playmay be helpful.

[link=http://maxweber.hunter.cuny.edu/pub/eres/EDSPC715_MCINTYRE/PlayTherapy.html]http://maxweber.hunter.cuny.edu/pub/eres/EDSPC715_MCINTYRE/PlayTherapy.html[/link]

metta-

ann arbor