How to shower like a......

[free. fallin]

How to shower like a woman

Take off clothing and place them in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks, whites, man made, and natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way, cover up any exposed flesh & rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror & stick out belly. Complain & whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for face cloth; arm cloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah & pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber & Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Wash hair again with Cucumber & Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with Cucumber & Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.

Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut & Jaffa Cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking @ least 15 minutes to make sure it’s all come off.

Shave armpits & legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to have it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet & water loses pressure & turns red hot.

Turn shower off.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest signs of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers (if you can find them)

Return to bathroom wearing long dressing gown & towel on head.

If seen, cover up any exposed areas & then rush back to bedroom to spend hour & half to get dressed.



How to shower like a man

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake willy at her while shouting Wey Hey!!

Look in mirror & suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of willy in mirror.

Get in shower.

Don’t bother to look for wash cloth, don’t need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in shower.

Wash man bits & surrounding area.

Wash bum, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtains to see self in mirror.

Pee in shower.

Rinse off & get out of shower. Fail to notice shower curtain outside bath for the whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look @ self in mirror, flex muscles & admire size of willy again.

Leave bathroom light & fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel wrapped round waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab willy, go “Yeah Baby” & thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday’s clothes.

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