How to start a fight.

[forumAdmin]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.... (mean!!! )

________________________________

My wife and I were watchingWho Wants To Be A Millionaire
while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a Reviewiend."

Andthat's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak,rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her highschool reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a
nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyReviewiend... I understand he took to drinking right mpter
we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________



When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something
more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for a short time and then went into the house was gone only a minute,
and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you
finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.


She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed..

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

"The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife washinting about what she wanted for ourupcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes Reviewom 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And thenthe fight started.....

_______________________________

mpter retiring, I went to the Social Security officeto applyfor Social Security .

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my
age.


I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry,but I would have to go home and
comebacklater.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application ..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office...

She said,'You should havedropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

 

[Lizzi]

coffee on the screen again......maybe I should invent a windsheild wiper for my PC screen

 

[smiley123]

Or use some Kleenex

 

[Rock Or Something]

My wife and I were discussing the finances, realizing that we had to cut back.

She turned to me and said, "I can't believe how much you spend on beer each month. If you stopped buying beer all our financial problems would be over."

So I answered back with, " Look at all the money you spend on clothes and makeup each month. You cut that out and we'd also be fine."

"I buy all that to look pretty for you", she replied

That's when I blurted out, " But that's what the beer is for."

And that's when the fight started...

 

[Fiona]

Pure gold T'storm! Pure gold

 

[IReallyDunno]

Sprayed coffee on the keyboard
ROTFLMAO
RG