I Love One-Liners

[Pompal 09.]

I’m so clumsy, i got hit by a parked car.

I got myself an answering machine with the recording of a busy signal.

I played poker with tarot cards. I dropped a full house and 4 people died.

I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers people because I use a MEGAPHONE.

I almost worked for a fire hydrant company, but I couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

I got a postcard from a friend: one side has a photo of the earth, on other side he wrote “Wish you were here!”

I was trying to open my door with my car keys,… I started the entire block.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.

I like to stick my head out the window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.

I almost went out with a clairvoyant but we broke 15 minutes before we met.

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included,… so I had to buy them again.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

I put some wax in my humidifier, so now my room is all shiny!

I went to a museum where they got all the arms and heads missing in all other museums.

I parked in a tow away zone,… I got back, the entire area was gone.

Everywhere is at walking distance if you have the time.

I melted dry ice so I could swim without getting wet.

I know when I’m gonna die cause my birth certificate has an expiration date.

When I die, I’m gonna leave my body to science-fiction.

I got a Salvator Dali picture of two blindfolded dental hygienist trying to draw a circle on a Hetch-a-Sketch !

I had my driver’s license picture taken out of focus on purpose, so the cop would let me go if he ever stops me.

I bought some powdered water but I don’t know what to add…

I lost a button hole.

I have a map of