Jokes to offend men

[BulSoneaao]

WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING ***?
because they are plugged into a genius

WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING ***?
they don't have enough time

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
they don't stop to ask directions

WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock

WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
so they won't hump women's legs at ****tail parties

WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
you need a rough draft before you make a final copy

HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
don't know.....it never happened

WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..'

A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

WHY DO LITTLE BOYS WHINE?
They are practicing to be men.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A MAN IS IN YOUR BED GASPING FOR BREATH AND CALLING YOUR NAME?
You did not hold the pillow down long enough

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR HUSBAND FROM READING YOUR E-MAIL?
Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual