Little Johnny

[yiludzpc]

lol............

 

[Sooftmoon Ginc.]

Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day, he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning, Johnny explained everything to his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her, I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand in her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the doctor, because he seemed too have trouble finding her heart.

He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.

Finally, I found out what was making them so sick... a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared. Her eyes big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so that she could get a scissor lock on it. And he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel... I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went courting on anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... they have nine lives or something.

This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet..."

Mother fainted.

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One day little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks: "Mom, how old are you?" Mom: "Now, now, John. That's a personal question. You don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?" Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?" Mom: "your too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older"
So John goes back to school and tells little TOMMY: "TOMMY, my mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions"
And little TOMMY replies: "you should go into her wallet and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd.
So John goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you're 39 years old." Mom: "Yeah that's right I am."
"And you weigh 142 lbs." Mom: "yupp that's right."
"One last thing... I know why dad left us." Mom: "oh really, why?"
"Because you got an F in s3x"

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Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson
one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her
vagina, and said, "Johnny. This is where you come from."

Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his
friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."

"Why?" one asked.

Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came
this close to being a turd."

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Little Johnny's little sister is about to celebrate her birthday. Wise Little Johnny told his sister to ask for a GI Joe gift so he can play with it as well.

So a day before the party, Johnny's mom asks his sister what she wants for her birthday. She answered, "I want a Barbie Doll, mom." She noticed Johnny who's standing behind her mom threatening her with a clenched fist, so she quickly continued, " and a GI Joe too."

Johnny's mom looked surprised and said, "But honey, Barbie comes with Ken, not G.I. Joe." To which Johnny quickly interrupts, "No mom, Barbie fakes it with Ken. Believe me, she comes with G.I. Joe."

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I'll post more later if you like it.