Look at me I'm so witty!

[Heather H]

There seems to be an upcoming trend of posting e-mail forwards on forums as ones own work. Just happening (oops! ) to forget that not everyone will realise you've just copied and pasted like the millions of bored people with too much e-mail and too much time on their hands to read it.

So to you who post someone elses thoughts on forums as your own and to you who praise their intelligence and wit, not realising all it takes is a copy and paste command.... I answer thusly:...


Subject: The ultimate chain letter
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Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering Reviewom rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion f--king chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling Revieweak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send 'his' email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big F--K YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain, which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower, and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

F--k them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest Reviewiends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel Reviewom some omniscient being' forwards about 90 times. I don't f--king care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
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**Chain Letter Type 1**
(scroll down)




Make a wish!!!




No, really, go on and make one!!!




Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!




Wish something else!!!




Not that, you pervert!!




Is your finger getting tired yet?




STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun?

Hope you made a great wish Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

* Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
* Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
* Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
* Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.

Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

**Chain Letter Type 2**

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy Reviewom Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

**Chain Letter Type 3**

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

* Bizarre Horror Story #1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home Reviewom school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
* Bizarre Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyReviewiend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser Reviewiends, and everything will be okay.

**Chain Letter Type 4**

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your Reviewiends.

--Reviewiends--

A Reviewiend is someone who is always at your side,
A Reviewiend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
A Reviewiend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of a--holes,
A Reviewiend is someone who cleans up for you mpter you've soiled yourself,
A Reviewiend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A Reviewiend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A Reviewiend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... * no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A Reviewiend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.

**************************************

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Pamela. Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know, otherwise you'll find all your underwear missing tomorrow morning.



Actually I don't agree with the "If it's funny, sent it on" sentiment. I include inane jokes Reviewom before the turn of the century in the same class as everything else, but this was written back in the same era so I guess the writer wasn't sick of those yet.

Lastly, I'd like to point out that there are people I really like and enjoy chatting to who have posted some funnies on this forum themselves. This doesn't mean I hate you it just means I read it 5 years ago and since nobody seems to have come up with new material since then, I think we should let it die!! I also feel really sorry for those other people I really enjoy chatting to who can't see through the haze of copy & paste magic to see that NO this post isn't wise or insightful it's just one of millions of copies of the same thing floating around!

Happy ranting
xox
arbie.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Nice Rant

You go girl!!!!!!!

Lexi xx