Moron Jokes

[stickybuns]

HOW TO INSTANTLY RECOGNIZE A MORON

You should be sure the person is moron when he:...puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. ...gets stabbed in a shoot-out....sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. ...tries to drown a fish in waters. ...thinks socialism means partying. ...trips over a cordless phone. ...takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. ...at the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius. " ...studies for a blood test and fails. ...sells the car for gas money. ...misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead....drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home. ...gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

P.S. A Moron Is A endangered speceis. Rarely seen!!!

One Liners

"Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Moron: "No, who wrote it?"

A Moron ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Why did 18 Morons go for a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

How do you measure a Moron's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.

What do you do when a Moron throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a Moron laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

What is the Moron doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Morons work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Morons make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

How did the Moron try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Morons standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a Moron's eyes?
The back of his head.

What do you do when a Moron throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why does Moron always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

Why does Moron have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

How can you tell when Moron sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Moron dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone.

How do you get Moron on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
The Moron looked skyward and said "Where, Where?

What do smart Morons and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

Why does it take longer to build a Moron snowman opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

THE MORON'S BEETLE

A Moron Purchased a new Volkswagon Beetle and was driving back to home very happily. On the way the car broke down. The moron came out of he car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time another moron came by that way and saw our moron, totally confused and sweating, trying to search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter. "The Volkswagon people made me fool. They have given me the Car without the engine." Moron 2 said "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of new Beetle. You can take that."PS : Beetle's have back mounted engines.

TO LOSE WEIGHT...

The doctor told the Moron that if he ran eight kilometers a day for
300 days, he would lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the Moron
called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a
problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor."I'm 2400 kms from
home."

SPARE BOMB

Two morons got fed up with the their Govt and decided to blow up
the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the
front seat of their car and set off. the 1st moron asks "What
happens if the bombs blast off now". the other moron replies
"Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"

COUNT THE CHICKEN

Two morons walked toward each other on a country road. The first
guy was carrying a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey man, what's
in the bag?" asked the other fella. "Chickens," was the reply. "If
I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Moron is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and
down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man,Excuse
me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and
yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that,
but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and
find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the
better of him, and he says, "Okay." The man lifts the manhole
cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole
cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87,
87"...

THE MORONIC PROFFESOR

A Moron was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a
subject on which no one did any research before! As he was
thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from
of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table
and said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of
the roach, put it again in the centre of the table and
said: "Run". The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the
roach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run".
The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had
just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the
centre of the table and said: "Run". The roach could not! Our
Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his
thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
anymore".

COLOR TV

A Moron is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."

LONG FLIGHT

A Moron calls Air France. "How long does it take to fly to Paris?"
" Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the Moron and hangs
up!

TRAIN TO HIGHBURY

Two Morons are at a railway station. The 1st Moron asks the clerk:
"Can I take this train to Highbury?" "No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks the other.​

 

[miguel.lomelino]

hahaha..that's hillarious! :