My girlfriend's younger brother asked her to sit on his lap and massage his thighs?

[Catherine Mahoney]

A few weeks ago my girlfriends younger brother started acting strange with her, he's 16 she's 21. He wanted her to give him a massage and was being very strange. When they were on vacation he sat on a stool and wanted her to "pretend" to do stuff that older people do. He had her sit on his lap and then face him on his lap. Again acting out of character. She feels so weird and sick and doesn't know what to do. Her brother never had anything close to a girlfriend or friends and I'm worried this behavior will get more intense.
Thanks, I really wouldn't know how to approach this because I've been with her a long time and have a good relationship with him. I hope he's not developing some kind of mental disorder. Why would a brother want to be that touchy with his sister?
I don't know if he even can "get off". He seems so asexual. He never talks about girls, and it's just really disturbing me. I'm afraid it would turn violent or more aggressive. She feels guilty because she thinks it might be his way of "playing" but I know it's more sinister than that.

 

[Snarky Condescendo]

Uh... okay... yeah, he's getting off on it. I would think anytime a guy asked a girl to sit on his lap, especially facing him, the girl would know that he just wants to "talk about the first thing that pops up."

He's being a perv. And the fact that he's doing this with his sister is doubly disturbing. I would tell your friend she needs to keep a 3 foot distance from her brother at all times.

 

[peculiarpup]

Your girlfriend is old enough to know that she has a right to control her own body and what's done with it. Her brother didn't force her to sit in his lap at gunpoint - she let him pressure her into doing it to please him. Being a "people pleaser" is a short path to a very rocky future, since many people will ask you to do things you shouldn't, or just don't want to, or that aren't right for you, to please them.

Brother is full of rampaging hormones (oh, puberty) and has a bad sense of boundaries, so he's leading your gf down the path to incest because he's driven more by the immediate (feels so good!) than by thoughts of what is right or wrong or may get one or both of them into serious trouble.

Since she's older (and this is her body we're talking about), she needs to stop encouraging him. She certainly needs to stop doing whatever someone asks her to do. It's about high time she learned to respect her inner "ick meter," that interior feeling/voice/whatever that says "I'm not comfortable with this." She does it, and feels weird and sick. What's she waiting for - a glowing sign reading "BAD IDEA!" and a phone call from the cops?

I'm more worried about her behavior than his, frankly. He's got some crossed wires, bad enough, but she's helping him cross them further and sending the message to him and to herself that she is worth so little that she must accept whatever treatment people feel like giving her, even if it makes her uncomfortable. If she really wants to help him, and herself, she will refuse flatly to even consider it and tell him to stop even asking. "No, and I don't want to hear anything like that again." Repeat as often as necessary until he gets the idea and quits.

Will he get mad? Probably at first, yeah. He's been making her into his own private lap dancer. Uck. It stokes his hormones and excites him (ick) and he wants to keep doing it. And if you think he hasn't entertained the idea of more, you're nuts. She's going to have to love him, and herself, enough to set a firm boundary on how she wants to be treated and what she will tolerate.

Please print this out and hand it to her. Tell her you're concerned and why.

 

[Laura]

wow she really needs to be open with her brother and tell him that she feels uncomfortable and that what hes doing is wrong. if she doesnt then maybe you should. good luck