New Year's Resolutions

[snowbison]

Well that time of year is creeping up on us again. But instead of posting about what our plans are for the coming year, how about we review how we did in this current year...

Seeing as I started it, I'll be the first to respond to it, using a post I did else where.



It mightn't show here much, but I feel much much better about myself and my place in the world. Now it maybe the meds talking but I certainly don't think nearly as poorly about myself as I did this time last year. That's not to say I'm cured. I still can't seeing someone choosing me to be their SO/lover/whatever, nor can I see qualities in me that would make me 'attractive'. And I do regress when stressed (ie at parties). But one can't change overnight.



Big fucking success there! I was what about 240 last year, I'm now 190 or so. Now I was as low as 177 in the summer, and have been slowly putting weight back on. But seeing as my body fat percentage is going down...



Ummmm... Oops



I'm still undecided. Some have said I'm looking for love/connection, and this certainly ain't the place to be looking for that. Others have felt I'm looking for experience, both socially and sexually, and that I agree with. So I can find somethings here, and certainly shouldn't be looking for others here. Though I have kept under control, having only hobbied three times this year, the last time being Sept or Oct. Physically, i'ld like to do it more, but I also do like a connection to be there.



This is questionable...I certainly don't abuse myself nearly as much as I did last year. (ie psycho overtime, or going the better part of the day without eating). But as Genevieve would point out I haven't pampered myself either. I 'punish' myself at the gym, and there's seldom a week I go without some resultant pains. Oddly enough, it's when I really hurt is when I can't help but laugh an honest laugh at the pain. I still don't go out to enjoy myself, and I'm not getting laid very often, but so what?

In retrospect, this has been a very hard year in many ways. It's been a year of work, in the conventional sense, in the efforts to enact physical change, and certainly not least mentally/emotionally. I don't see this changing in the up coming year either. I still have a ways to go making right with myself, and to quit being the but****all I currently am. Who knows, maybe next year I shall reap some external rewards for my efforts, like finding a really hot Mrs BD...Yeah right, lol!!

So how did you do?