NHS Notes

[dr_sebby]

This post might need moving. I was going to put it in the jokes forum but as they are notes made by medical staff at a UK hospital, I put it here.
And they worry about us therapists knowing our stuff!!!

Pick your favourite!!

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

4. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

7. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

8. She is numb from her toes down.

9. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

10. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

11. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

12. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

13. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

14. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

15. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

16. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

17. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

18. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

19. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

20. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

21. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

 

[hate late people]

O I've had a good laugh at these this morning..

Thankyou

 

[Mr Night]

Brilliant!!! - haven't had such a good laugh for a long time! Many thanks ...
Caroline

 

[afedtutfibvimmehp]

as you know Treacs , me and mine are regular visitors to the hospital lately...this is now on it's way to my family

 

[Allan W]

i have seen these before, but thanks for putting them on, I just nearly split my sides and now my college assignment is back in perspective,
regards
BGFL

 

[Megin]

Must remember not to read the jokes at work.

Funny looks from me having a giggling fit

 

[Gavin]

lol im loving those

altho i really shouldnt laugh out loud when trying to get the baby to sleep