opinions saught please???

[HaNnAh <3]

Hi Guys and eurothaigirl and sxygirl,oh and any others girls who I don`t know are girls.......
I`m a relative newcomer to los,been there twice and looking to come back to patong.pattaya sounds a bit too much and bkk was a bit of a mess to me so Patong is my chosen destination
I`ve learnt heaps from this forum and wish I had known of it before I went to los anyway my concern is:
first time in patong(last june) spent pretty well the whole 2 weeks with same bg,fell for her,went back a couple of months after and went up north with her..I was naive but geez I learnt a lot.......she calls occasionally,even put one of her customers on the phone.....i`ve said to her that I can`t/wont send money,(although i did a bit earlier),she hasn`t asked since but i did send her $100 bucks for tsunami grief......so there`s no commitment from me as far as i go but as I`m pretty sure we`d cross tracks on my next trip,but I`m way keen on being a butterfly this time,in your exp what would the reaction be should she see me with another tg?? saw some tg violence there last time(cat fight over something nothing to do with me)and have heard about losing face and how when thais get pissed off it happens big time..
she works in soi eric and I`m keen to go to mtb.........it`s a pretty drawn out question but basically I don`t want grief or trouble just a good time!!!!
I`m sure this happens a bit but wondering how it is diffused or avoided,I`d love to just catch up and have a drink or 2 with her is fine by me ..........
glad to hear your thoughts

 

[Other Girl]

Go see her if you want, buy her a drink, he''ll take her back if you want but be very clear to her you want to be a butterfly or as Geespot is, a helicopter. Tell her you have a small amount of time and want to be able to go with other girls. Tell her this at the bar so if she dosen't agree you can vote with your feet. Don't let any girl make you feel guilty, it's your holiday enjoy it!

 

[MatthewHeckler]

Yep as urtheman says. Make it your first stop, be up front and very clear about what you want to do and just be in control of the situation.

 

[Margey x]

i had a similar problem last time i was there, the b/g i was with l/time) said to me "you can be b/fly man --no ploblem"-so i did one night ,i barfined a different gal from the same bar --if looks could kill!i thought she was going to kill me ,she was fuming mad ,if there had been any sharp cutlery to hand i reckon she would have stuck me! so what she said and what she meant i dont know! still makes life interesting !

 

[Sticky toffee pudding]

Doing it is one thing.. By doing it from the same bar you create conflicts within her social group.. Its one thing for a girl from another bar to go with you but by doing what you did you divide friends and send the signal that the first girl was not good enough to keep you and elevate the status of the second girl..

Only go and say hi if you are capable of not getting sucked back in with her.. So many guys think they are but then a couple of drinks.. She gives you that look.. she smells / feels / tastes great.. couple more drinks.. BAMB your back to square one and now trying to work out how to be a butterfly and enjoy your holiday as you planned..

 

[Erica =)]

Hi Merlin.

Many of us have been in similar situations and it can take time to figure out ''the game''. Took me long enough to become my forum name alter ego..that's for sure.

The most important word here is HONESTY. There's nothing quite like it for maintaining face for you and the bg's

Do you have her phone number and email ? If so, my advice would be to break it gently by phone or mail before you even arrive. You just have to tell her you have thought long and hard about all of this and that you now want to come to los for fun only and not for love.

Tell her how much you enjoyed the time with her as i'm sure it won't be a lie, but you really want to try and be a butterfly and not leave los with a :broken_he .

I did this recently with a lovely lady in pattaya, was never close with her but more like very good friends, but i made a promise (which i usually always keep once given) The promise was to take her to Chiang Mai & Rai but since then i changed my mind and decided to just stay in pattaya and butterfly around.

She is more than ok with this and has assured me she is not offended or dissapointed in any way. As long as i take her to a beauty salon for a foot massage and go ten pin bowling with her (she beats me everytime grrr) then she's happy for us just to remain friends and have a laugh occasionally.

More importantly i have also told her there will be no boom boom between us as i think this is better if you just want to be like good mates.

It's all cool and all good for both of us, she has fish to fry and so do I.
She even mentioned she has a new room mate who is very beautiful and will hook me up with her for a 1 nighter. Can't get better friends than that.

The point is she has always trusted me as i have never bullshitted her or made promises of love, this is why honesty is the best way forward for anyone. They will definately respect you more for it.

Long term relationships with bg's have some pros but too many cons if you ask me....You would soon find yourself in the gold shop, helping the family bulid the new house and on & on.

Good luck, and remember a butterfly has more fun in los

ps..Personally, I would not take a lady from the same bar without chatting to the old flame and making sure it's ok with her 1st. Saves a lot of hassle in the long run.

 

[Rosie Palmas]

I've seen it happen far too many times, the girls knows you are here. They see you or are told by the grapevine. Even in an inside bar, like Playschool they know. You would be amazed how they find out sometimes.

 

[shorty150217]

try to explane to her on the phone first or by e-mail and as soon as you get there by all means go to see here but make it a day time thing and don't drag it out! you don't really want to have a 2-way convertion you want to tell her how you feel and then at least she can't turn around a say you "dollair" (bullshit) just say how you feel cus if you try a sneek around you will get found out, and then she will be mad and you don't want that. just make shur you don't go around bar fining her friends cus then it don't matter what you say, she will give you trouble and it could mess your holiday up, honesty is the only way.

 

[have_a_go_mate]

I agree with the email approach. First email her, informing her of your intention to butterfly. Tell her the dates that you will be in Patong, but not your hotel. Tell her that, although you will be seeing other girls, that you will come and see her sometime before you leave Patong.

When you get to Patong, avoid Soi Eric for at least a few days, better a week(sorry, Nicke)(check out Playschool or other BM bars). Then go and see her. By then you will have a better handle on how you feel, and she will have been put on notice that you are definitley seeing others. I think it will make it easier for both of you. Whatever you do, don't barfine a girl from her bar or a bar next to hers.

Good luck!

JayBee

 

[Xavs]

thanks very much Guys,I appreciate your advice,she`s a great girl and I don`t want her upset..........it`s a weird thing the whole bg scene,I`m kind of fascinated by it,I just admire the thais outlook........."think of today"
Btw Livin Los can I ask what you do,you seem to have a handle on all things los,much appreciated!!!!!!!

 

[RBS]

Well merlin, you haven't been in this situation before, but believe me this girl has been many times....

Don't worry too much, the opinions given to you are very well!

Enjoy, have sanook as much as you can! :cheergal:

 

[Boris]

Not much Kinda retired..

Of course anything highly lucrative interests me.. Done lots of odd stuff over the years, still get old partners in slime calling me with ideas, schemes and scams.. Heard one 2 nights ago that actually might get me on a plane later this spring..