Paddy Jokes

[Semsyaqtoi]

Paddy's Fingers

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' DA fingers and I'll see what OI can do'.

Paddy said, 'Oi haven't got DA fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got DA fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2010!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring DA fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,

' How DA 'eck was I 'spose to pick dem up????

 

[Aunfingummam]

Keep them coming,nothing like a good laugh even if its the 'poor old' Paddy again

 

[buxfan11]

Thanks Star. How about this one:
Paddy calls 'easyjet' to book a flight. The operator asks 'how many are flying with you?'

Paddy replies 'how am I supposed to know, it's your flipping plane!'

 

[Mommy of 1]

Love it,you have my sence of humour,must dig out some and post.

 

[prairiewife]

Two ladies on a bus and one said: 'And do you know he put his hand right up my skirt.'
And the other replied: 'Not the green one with the floral pattern?'

 

[woedgurwidkihuezb]

Moonfairy I hope I didn't steal your thunder there,not intentional

 

[sheed]

Not at all star. I am not really known for my jokes on HP, so it is rare for me to post here.

 

[Butgrenered]

love the jokes ladies

 

[Everett]

Here is another,


This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats. The usher came by and told the guy to move. The guy mumbled but didn't answer. He went and got the manager. The manager said to the man, "Sir, if you don't move, I'll call the police to have you removed." The guy mumbled, but didn't answer.

So the manager called the police and a cop came over. The cop said to the man, "Hey mister. What's your name?" The man said,"Pete." The cop asked,"Where ya from, Pete?" He said, "The balcony."

 

[feinfncp]

good one

 

[Willy Douglas]

Glad you're liking dem jokes CR. Here's another paddy joke.

Mick & Paddy are at the cemetery visiting their departed mum when they start reading the headstones. Mick says 'crikey there's a bloke here who was 192'

Paddy says 'whats his name?'

Mick replies 'miles from london!'

 

[Nyt K]

I need a laugh! here's mine..


3 bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with smiles on their faces. Cop asks coroner "why are they all smiling"?, coroner says "well, first guy died of a heart attack, making love to his wife, hence the smile, second guy won the lottery, spent it all on whisky, died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile. 3rd guy was unusual, paddy from belfast, struck by lightening. Cop asks, "Why the heck was he smiling"? coroner replies " he thought he was having his photo taken"!


Sorry, i couldn't resist!

 

[Peggy P]

Here's another one ............
Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should lose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'

 

[????? answers]

moonfairy that was a good one lol

 

[Rottweiler]

Hilarious!!!

 

[hydropowerman34]

I hope you aren't getting fed up with these, but here's one more I particularly like:

How are you feeling? An Irish bloke goes to the doctor and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another £10 note appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?.

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1990 exactly."

"Ah, dat'd be roit." says Paddy " I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

 

[?o ?? ly?? ????....]

 

[LasNoches]

Thank you all!

 

[Giants S.F]

I'm loving these!

 

[Votscorry]

My little contribution

The Englishman arrived at Dublin station to catch a train to Cork due to leave at 10.25. He looked at the clock in the booking hall - it said 10.10 - plenty of time to find the platform and have a quick cup of coffee. In the buffet the clock said 10.25 - he panicked and went to find the platform - he didn't want to miss the train. On the platform the clock read 10.15. He went to find a porter (they had them in those days) to complain about the clocks all giving different times. Paddy's reply was 'Sure, and why have so many clocks if they all say the same time'!