Paraprosdokian Sentences

[itsme.green]

ط I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

ط Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.

ط I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his plane.

ط Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a car.

ط The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

ط Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

ط If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

ط We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

ط War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

ط Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a Reviewuit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
Reviewuit salad.

ط The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

ط Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed
to tell you why it isn't.

ط To steal ideas Reviewom one person is plagiarism. To steal Reviewom many is
research.

ط A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

ط How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

ط Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you
can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

ط Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

ط I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

ط A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you
don't need it.

ط Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

ط I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

ط I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said
"Implants?"

ط Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

ط Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

ط Why do Americans choose Reviewom just two people to run for president and
50 for Miss America ?

ط Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful
man is usually another woman.

ط A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

ط You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

ط The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

ط Always borrow money Reviewom a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

ط A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

ط Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you
wish they were.

ط Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

ط I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

ط Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

ط There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can't get away.

ط I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

ط I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a
shot of tequila.

ط When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.

ط You're never too old to learn something stupid.

ط To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.

ط Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

ط Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no
imagination whatsoever.

ط A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are mpter it as
when you are in it.

ط If you are supposed to learn Reviewom your mistakes, why do some people
have more than one child?

ط Change is inevitable, except Reviewom a vending machine.

 

[Power of m squared]

Why is it that you can pick your Reviewiends.......you can pick your nose......but you can't keep your eyes open when you sneeze?