Petting the Kitty

[Pompal 09.]

A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty". He did this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book.

The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement, before going any further, she got up and started stripping in Reviewont of him.

The husband confused, asked, "What are you doing taking all your clothes off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with my "kitty", I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.

The husband said, "No, not at all."

Then the wife asked, "Well what the hell were you doing then?"

To which the husband replied, "I was wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in the book."

 

[Benny]

Oh Seymour, I love your jokes. Where do you find these things?

 

[Arkane Steelblade]

I get them Reviewom various sources on the web or Reviewom Reviewiends that email them over...I try to post the ones that have a massageplanet flavor or a sexual slant

 

[The Heckler]

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,"Do you want to have sex?
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a Reviewiend."

And then the fight started....

*

mpter retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to
go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten Disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

*

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 30 years replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

*

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlReviewiend.
I understand she took to drinking right mpter we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

*

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

*

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started.....
*

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

 

[Double Bubble]

haha oh my! these are hilarious!

 

[JoJo]

Thanks Apex, I do enjoy a good laugh.

 

[baymast13]

Eny time Erin!