Please help my sucky letter!

[supersetter1989]

I need to write to my clients to let them know I'm closing my business and am available at my new location. This letter is so bad I'm embarrassed to post it, but I need some help! Please edit freely, if you are so inclined...

Dear clients,

I have some news for you. I am moving my service location, and expanding the services available to you!

After nearly six years of service, Solar Powered Massage is closing its doors. It has been my privilege to work with each of you in the little office at the top of the Herald Building, and I too will miss it there, as many of you have expressed.

I have joined the therapeutic massage team at Essential Health Massage and Wellness Center here in Bellingham. As you can see from the enclosed map, Essential Health is just a few blocks up Chestnut Street from the Herald Building – at the corner of Chestnut and Ellis, next door to KVOS-TV. Still plenty of free parking, very friendly atmosphere,

Essential Health offers a full staff of experienced massage therapists to help with everything from relaxation, to injury treatment, to treatment for complex chronic conditions. You can request your appointments with me as usual, or if you wish, you can see Dexter, Carol, Deb, Ben, or Krista. All experienced and highly skilled.

Essential Health offers appointments from 9AM to 6PM, all weekdays except Wednesday. Each 60-minute session is $70; cash and checks are accepted, as well as L&I claims. Although I can still be reached at the Solar Powered Massage number, when you wish to schedule, please call Essential Health directly at 650-1777.

Thank you, each of you, for your business over the last six years. It has been an adventure for me, and an honor to participate in your wellness and healing. I hope to continue offering you service for many healthy years to come!

Most sincerely,



Beccy Bayne, LMP

 

[Sun Hwa-Kwon]

Please help my sucky letter!

Beccy,

I'm sorry you've decided to close, but glad to see you portraying it as a new adventure/expansion, rather than a defeat!

As far as the letter goes, I don't really see anything "wrong" with it, except I'd change up the way you lead into it a bit, as such:

Dear

 

[DNC Circle n Jerk]

Please help my sucky letter!

I can use most of this - thank you!

I can't really say that SPM is "joining forces" with EH -- they are an established business and I am now their employee. I'll have to think more about my lead. I do want to convey the idea that I am speaking personally to my clients, rather than making a business announcement.

And please don't be sorry SPM is closing (although I thank you for the sentiment). It was a hard decision to make as SPM was totally my baby from start to finish, but at my core I am ready to let someone else do all the business running now. I accomplished nearly all the goals I had set for SPM, and I am SO ready to be entirely in this new collaborative environment where I am not a businesswoman, I am ONLY a therapist.

 

[Dr. Ernest J Folk]

Please help my sucky letter!

My 2 cents... for the opening

Dear

I am so excited! I have been blessed with a wonderful business opportunity that will be beneficial to both of us. I will be moving my service location to ____

Or... I am thrilled to let you know that I will be pursuing a new business opportunity that will benefit both of us!