Real Life Reality Check

[lamby]

Anyone tell me if you had an experience like this. This week, someone I used to "mess around" with, ie having an affair with, started calling me... said she needed my help with her business, so help I did.

Well I started getting a whole bunch of text messages about the lack of intimacy in her relationship.

And then when I went to help her at place of business, her partner was coming, so she invented a story I was a friend of the family and I had to play along with him there. Never ever had an experience like that, although I must say I did not feel that uncomfortable.

Since then, she has not stopped calling.

Need your opinions.... seeing an MP for 3 years who treats me really special.... my gut tells me stick with her. We do things that are way beyond the norm of normal services - I would see it no different from having an affair - I can honestly tell she really enjoys the treatment she gets from me (and she is absolutely unbelievable for me).

Real life is too strange.

I was actually real comfotable with arrangement I had - seeing my Mp all the time, and having my old girl friend as my best friend - we communicated constantly, we were real sould mates, but on a mental level.

I sense things are complicating now. No way I can give up my MP, we have that neat a relationship. Yet that other relationship, which I was happy as it was seems to excalate now.

Kind of freaks me out she wants me to visit her in front of her boyfriend and then carry on behind his back.

I have always prided myself in being a no bullshit kind of person... should I become one now to survive?

 

[Sagittarius]

Nope stay straight man. Safer that way and a whole lot stress. Play the game and you will wind up paying big time. NO ONE I know of who played that game ever got away with it. They all paid one way or another for the lies, deceit and betrayal of self.

 

[Texas Bubba]

Dude, don't do it!

Continue to see your mpa and remain friends with this other girl. But I wouldn't go any further with the other girl unless she was really available. It sounds like she gets a thrill from cheating on her partner or loves the element of danger or getting caught.

Let's say things were to work out for you and this other gal, and you guys became a couple. Wouldn't it cross your mind once in a while, whether she would do the same to you? That is, f*ck around on YOU.

See your mpa and enjoy life...

 

[Bumble]

Bingo! It's bad karma. What makes you any more special when someone else comes along who's even more sympatico with her. It's a little different when you're the odd man out.

 

[melaine010903]

A womans response: stick with your MPA. Finding one like you seem to have will be hard to find again, there will always be attached woman available to have an affair with.

 

[@ng3l]

After deep thought,

Going to just continue seeing MP - heck it works for me - wonderful girl. Can not imagine life any better.

Think I will have a long talk with my old girl friend. Was thinking of saying we can remain best friends.

But something I thought of complicates this.... if we are really best friends, and communicating on a real mental level, is that not the worst form of cheating? I think if her live in found out, that would be worse, would you not think than if we slept around or something ?

I think I could honestly swing the best friend thing. Also, it is really hard to turn your back on a friend, it is for me anyway.

Hard part - we went through lots together and really helped each other in tough times.


Tell me if my solution works:

Tell her about MP I am seeing - that may surprise her, and tell her I am ok if we remain friends. Do you think remaining friends is wise?

I have no intention of stopping seeing my MP - realize how lucky I am am. Even though it may be a biz, I have real feelings for this person, try to treat her really well, and I am sure she appreciates me. Besides which, I have never had such compatibility with anyone. So in this regard - there is no option - stopping seeing this MP is the farthest thing from my mind. She is a real gem, and we have clicked on some level, so it just works. And I have no intention of ever stopping. I can't be sure, But I can tell she really enjoys my vists too. So if it is so great (AND IT IS, BELIEVE ME), go with it!

 

[Tshilidzi]

Dont tell your lady friend about your MP, girls never like to hear that kinda stuff about a guy they care about. Also keep yourself available for a real relationship with a lady, there are lots of nice woman looking for a nice man.

 

[Bubbly Brit!]

I had the opportunity to meet April just last week and, my God, she is stunning
This is a girl who is smart, classy and looks great
Her soft feminine features remind me of Cyan

This girl should be on Broadway not Dupont

I heard she had a boyfriend 3 years ago
I wonder if she is available now?

 

[Mrs. Shana]

Milehigh:
What happens when your MPA quits or retires? Do you think she will keep seeing you for free? (with all the benefits). Sounds like you're falling for her, not your ex.
Cut the ex loose. But think about what lays ahead with your (and others) MPA.

 

[ds40959redft]

1. MPA - yes have fallen for her. I would not continue seeing her for 3 years on a constant basis if something special was not going on. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone ever before. It just keeps getting better with her. I love to see her. I have to be careful though not to push her beyond her comfort zone. I appreciate what I have going and do not want to wreck it.
I would not hesitate one second to escalate. I remember to accept what life presents. not how I want things to be.

If I could not see her, yes would take it hard.

2. Dating.... went on tons of dates recently and was really disappointed. Looking for someone special. May just bump into them.

3. Can not just dump my old girl friend. She is my best friend. She has always been willing to risk any relationship she has for our friendship.

4. Other hand, she is not too careful - one guy she was living with in past found out and it caused breakup. Current one found out too and she managed to patch it up.

5. Boyfriend coming after me. He is not chopped liver, and I am a pretty big guy too. Pay per view. (Sorry had to see some humour here).

6. Seriously, I could tell by boyfriend's face and eyes something not right. Not into hurting people.

7. No one answered if mental relationship is worst form of cheating.

8. MP - have never ever had such a relationship with anyone. Really mean that. I just have to be happy about where it is at and just try to keep it going.

 

[Greeen_Pixie]

Mile High:

I don't want to poke my nose into your business, but I really think you should stay friends with your ex. There is no kind of friendship that comes more easily, or is more comfortable. (AT one point, I was friends with one of my exes for more than twenty years.) If her boyfriend has a problem with this it's his problem, not yours.

On the other hand, I am really concerned for you about this MPA of yours, the one whose "boundaries you are unwilling to push". This sounds like a bad scene to me: she's your MP, God bless her, but still- she's like your lawyer or dentist. She serves your needs for cash. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't replace a real girlfriend or wife. Anyway, best of luck

 

[Maira]

Mile High
I would have to agree with some of the comments, keep the friend a friend & stick with the MPA...it's hard to come by a close friend or soul mate as (Milehigh says) not worth risking loosing that, if you do confess about your MPA your friend may not take it the way you are assuming she will & could hurt the friendship which you may regret later on.
"Grass always seems greener on the other side'

 

[dlyle76]

Thanks for further comments..... I think I may not be crazy after all then(??????)

I suppose I went down some of life's paths I did not expect to go down.

And you know what, some people do not understand where I am at, but the bottom line is that I am pretty happy and making the situation as is it, work for me.

You know things could be a lot worse.

Not complaining about things..... but went into some uncharted territory, and it has been a good adventure.

 

[cameronissim...]

What does "nice" mean? The human condition is unpredictable. People are only "nice" if you are just aquainted with them.

IMHO Mile High I would just be friends with the ex-girlfriend. If you happen to accidentally bang her, forget 'bout it and just make sure if it happens again it is an accident, don't set out to do it. And realise that she would do it with anyone else too. As for the MPA, there I think that you are playing with real danger. Like with alcohol, you should be able to quit cold turkey at any time, or you gotta problem!

Cheers,

(Ain't the human condition grand?)

 

[michael941260]

The question is, which one costs less?????

 

[Jazzy J]

Tell the ex about the MPA. If she's such a great friend and soulmate it should be no problem.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Went through a similar experience myself. My final verdict was that you can't have everything. MPA/GF/Business Partner. All three do not mix.

If you feel like you are cheating, stop it. If you feel that your friend is getting too emotionally involved, cut her off.

If you want to keep your ties, ask her to be exclusive with you and you should do the same as well.

If you don't, someone is going to get hurt.

As far as the business goes, they should buy you out so that you can sever your financial ties. Never lend money or get involved financially with friends or family. If you are willing to hand them money, don't expect it back.

Each of these are difficult things to do but are necessary to prevent the bigger problems that are heading your way.

I guess what I am trying to say is to think things out for yourself. Think of all the different scenerios that can be played out and make sure that the problem does not inflate.

Good luck bro. It was a very difficult time in my life when this happened to me.

 

[Debi]

keap the mpa

 

[enrodude]

No time to report on her, but she is very good, very cool.

Will update you when I find some time.

 

[Jesse S]

If they are both cheap to maintain, I say bang them both