Real Notes to Milkmen

[HOLLY BEANZ]

Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the
tops off the milk.

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but no bread today.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the
dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've
been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but
the other way round.

When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation
Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea.

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or
do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and
did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days
in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in
drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play
bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote
this note yesterday.

When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and
put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk.

Please do not leave milk at No.14 either as he is dead