Sign's you have chosen a no-frills airline

[Julianna]

They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold
out.

Before the flight, the passengers get together and
elect a pilot.

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact
change.

Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten
your Velcro.

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little
for gas.

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows
off the runway.

You ask the Captain how often his planes crash and he
says, "Just once."

No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing
before your eyes.

You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let
off the plane.

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.