Swiss massage

[ohbrother]

Saw an ad in one of the local papers for Swiss massage. WTF? Chocolate lotion? Cuckoo clocks signalling times up?

Gave an address in the neighbourhood, so I walked over. It's one of those little day spas that have sprung up in every shopping strip, sign board out front advertises waxing, manicures and a $30 massage.

Okay, we'll TOFTT, nothing ventured.... Greeted by a 30ish chinese woman who asks me if I want a massage. Well, do bears like honey? The place is new, very clean and well equipped.

Gal's name is Annie. She administers a so-so massage, nice on the legs and butt, not much else. I've had hundreds of massages and this gal is just not sure what she's doing. We're briefly interrupted by by knocks at the door and her cell phone. She takes all calls.

After the flip, she positions a towel around Mr. Happy. and says we're out of time. Tries to upsell me to an hour. No way the half hour is up, so I tell her to massage some more parts and I'll give her tip.

She asks if I "want some help." Sure, I need all the help I can get. She doesn't do that, but will bring in another gal who does. Okay, whatever. In comes Amy, also 30ish, kind of cute. She starts a nice finger-tip massage, but is very tentative, she says I have to tell her how to make me feel good. Oh, for fucks sake! She doesn't know how to HJ.

I give her a short course. But now, she wants to talk money. How much I want to give her? How much you want, I ask. Back and forth. Okay, I offer $40. Oh, not enough, because it's Chinese New Year and more money brings good luck, little money not so good. Fine, $60. Now she's feeling lucky and proceeds with a clumsy but sincere finish. Let's me feel her tits inside her bra. Very nice, big nipples, but the bra is really hard-wired and seems to be welded on.

I'm getting dressed when she comes back in. What's the damage? Well, $47.70 including GST for the massage and $60 for her. I check my watch and I'm about three minutes over the half hour. Give her a hundred bucks and I'm heading for the door. She wants me to pay for the massage out front and cough up seven more dollars. Ah...no...I don't think so, I'm outa there.

Repeat. Nooooooooo.

 

[Bralon]

Chinese women in a place that promises Swiss massage?
Sounds like another case of offshore outsourcing to me.
Either that, or B&S.

 

[inetryconydot]

what's a swiss massage without yodeling, after all?

 

[Wiings]

Maybe it involves sucking like on a Ricola lozenge and then blowing like on an alpenhorn.

 

[Ruprect]

Swung by this place after being not impressed with Clover and after deciding to have a once a day massage fiesta for a week.

I got Sophie..or Sophia, taller Chinese girl, average bod...not bad looking but nothing special. So-so massage followed by an HJ with no touching offered, or attempted. I would potentially repeat as it seemed there may be more YMMV with a return visit.

Don't know how the whole Swiss thing factors in. They are about 2-3 doors down from Prosper on Main.

 

[Daniel I]

I was sent Amy.
At least 3 - 4 cellphone calls and
door knockings were attended.
She started a tentative massage, saying
she did not know how to make me feel good
and that she didn't know how to HJ (coz she
never use to do it). However she pretended tip.
I hesitated but I agreed her to proceed for 50
Total 47 +50 = 97 for less than 40 min semi - massage.
Never again

 

[Rush]

I guess we are talking about 18th and Main. I went there a few week ago for a 2.5 hours hour massage/facial deal. 120 with GST. The massag was up to standard. No special offer nor did I attempt to ask. The gal is Rebecca??

Wai

 

[Ashlee]

KG,

You didn't give her the proper codeword:







RI-CO-LA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Cage]

I think that Swiss massage means that it's cheesy, expensive, and she watches the clock.