A very famous person writes, “Bob, what can we celebrities do to improve our image? Please reduce your advice to 10 simple rules, because we have other stuff to do.”
Italian fashion designer Valentino in a 2007 file photo.
Don't pick your nose in a tuxedo.
France's Simon picks his nose during a match at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne
Don't pick your nose on a tennis court.
The Netherlands' Crown Prince Willem-Alexander and Crown Princess Maxima watch the swimming events at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games
Don't pick your nose in an orange shirt.
John McCain reacts at the conclusion of the final presidential debate against Barack Obama
Don't make a barfing zombie face after a presidential campaign debate.
US actor Brad Pitt poses for photographers in Paris
Don't meet the press with your zipper down. That means you, Brad Pitt.
Incoming White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel gestures prior to inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama as President
Don't make a childish gloating gesture the day your party takes office.
Kobayashi of Japan attempts to eat regurgitated hot dogs during the 2007 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York
Don't spew half-chewed hotdogs into your hands, and then try to eat them again.
U.S. pop star Madonna performs at the Live 8 concert in Hyde Park in London
Don't flip off anybody unless it's really necessary.
French yachtswoman Fontenoy poses with France's president Sarkozy during a ceremony at the Elysee Palace
This one is very important. Don't go to second base with a woman, especially if you're married to a former supermodel. And if you have to do it, don't grin like it's your very first time.
Sandra Bullock and Helen Mirren arrive at the 82nd Academy Awards
And lastly, as we saw just this week, if you're a nominee in a top Oscar category the main thing to remember when there are photographers around is:
Don't publicly grab one of your fellow nominees before the ceremony and slap her around, hold a chloroform-soaked rag over her horrified face and stuff her into the trunk of a waiting limousine. Sandra, Sandra, Sandra...
Italian fashion designer Valentino in a 2007 file photo.
Don't pick your nose in a tuxedo.
France's Simon picks his nose during a match at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne
Don't pick your nose on a tennis court.
The Netherlands' Crown Prince Willem-Alexander and Crown Princess Maxima watch the swimming events at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games
Don't pick your nose in an orange shirt.
John McCain reacts at the conclusion of the final presidential debate against Barack Obama
Don't make a barfing zombie face after a presidential campaign debate.
US actor Brad Pitt poses for photographers in Paris
Don't meet the press with your zipper down. That means you, Brad Pitt.
Incoming White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel gestures prior to inauguration ceremony of Barack Obama as President
Don't make a childish gloating gesture the day your party takes office.
Kobayashi of Japan attempts to eat regurgitated hot dogs during the 2007 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York
Don't spew half-chewed hotdogs into your hands, and then try to eat them again.
U.S. pop star Madonna performs at the Live 8 concert in Hyde Park in London
French yachtswoman Fontenoy poses with France's president Sarkozy during a ceremony at the Elysee Palace
This one is very important. Don't go to second base with a woman, especially if you're married to a former supermodel. And if you have to do it, don't grin like it's your very first time.
Sandra Bullock and Helen Mirren arrive at the 82nd Academy Awards
Don't publicly grab one of your fellow nominees before the ceremony and slap her around, hold a chloroform-soaked rag over her horrified face and stuff her into the trunk of a waiting limousine. Sandra, Sandra, Sandra...