the dog

[Dr. Feel Good]

The dog died


The gentleman was met by his Major Domo as he stepped from his train.
“Hello Jeeves”, he said. “Anything of interest happen while I have been away?”
“Well Sir”, Jeeves said, “Nothing much unless you consider the fact that your dog died.”
“My dog died? How did that happen?” he asked.
“He ate some bad meat and he died.” Jeeves answered.
“Where did he get bad meat?”
“From the dead horses, Sir. “
“Dead horses? What dead horses?”
“Your race horses, Sir. They were killed when the barn burned down and the dog ate some of the meat from the dead horses and he died.”
“The barn burned down? And killed my horses? How did the barn catch fire?”
“Sparks from the house, Sir.”
“From the house?”
“Yes sir. Sparks from the roof of the house caught the barn on fire and it burned down killing the horses and the dog ate some of the horse meat and he died.”
“Why were there sparks from the roof of the house?”
“Because the flames from the burning curtains in the living room got out of control and set the roof on fire. The sparks from the roof caught the barn on fire killing the horses. The dog ate the horse meat and he died.”
“Why were the curtains in the living room on fire?” he asked, his voice rising.
“We think, Sir, that the candles fell off the casket and caught the curtains on fire.”
“Casket? CASKET? WHAT GAWDAMNED CASKET?” The gentleman yelled.
“Your wife’s casket, sir”
“My wife? Dead? What the hell happened?” he screamed.
“Sir, please be calm. I am trying to explain. Your daughter told your wife the she was pregnant by the stable boy. Your wife went out and shot the stable boy, fired the trainer, threw your daughter out of the house and then had a heart attack and died. We laid her out in a casket in the living room. We think the candles fell off the casket catching the curtains on fire. The fire was out of control when we discovered it and the whole house went up. Sparks from the roof caught the barn on fire and it burned to the ground killing your racehorses. The dog ate some of the horse meat and he died.”
The Gentleman slumped to the ground and held his head in his hands and wept.
“Son-of-a-bitch”, he cried. “I’m really gonna miss that dog.”