The thread of witty banter...

[Valerie Black.]

Alan Carr live;
"I hate them, and they hate me.
You know them. The orange girls. "Oh its natural, its natural"
Yeah, only if your dad shagged a wotsit"

He's my favourite comedian ​

 

[inter tattoo]

I love this one the most.... ::....reminds me of Austin Powers the spy who shagged me..:​

 

[shadow95340]

Post any funny one liners/comebacks you've heard/read from comedians, people you know or just people on C/A in general.

Frankie Boyle; Mock the Week:

"I would have loved to have a gay dad. Do you remember at school, there were always kids saying 'My dad's bigger than your dad, my dad will batter your dad!' 'So what? My dad will shag your dad. And your dad will enjoy it.'"


Jimmy Carr; Various:

"There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?"

"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol(TM)."

"My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

"I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!""


Billy Connolly; Various:

“It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.”

“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”

"Poor Michael Jackson and these sex allegations. As if it's not bad enough him being a Jehova's Witness, they're accusing him of behaving like a catholic priest!"


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