What is the best strategy to cope with feeling of regret

[Standyourground]

Not too long ago, I said some stupid things that I shouldn't have (although at that moment all I said was based on honesty and had good intentions, but I guess I was not smart enough to think about the consequences). That kinda ruined all my plans with this person. Now I totally regret what I said, but it's too late. I can't get this out of my head; I just keep thinking if I had thought twice before talking, things would have been perfect now. I'm kinda going crazy and can't concentrate; feeling of regret is killing me. What strategies you find best in these situations to cope? Just forgetting about it and moving on? It's easy to say, but hard to do.

 

[Blondie]

Crawl to the person and beg forgiveness

Tell them no matter what you are wrong and mean it.
if the can not accept that you are occasionally an asshole then you need to
Learn from you mistakes and move on.

 

[nadia ? ...xx]

We need more details.

Have you told her that you regret what you said and that you're sorry?
Was it really so bad since you said it out of honesty?
Did you call her a bitch?

:???:

 

[msjinx39]

HEY!!!!...keep your jokes to yourself....LOL

I too had said some stupid things in the past, I almost lost the best thing that ever happened to me bc of it, and I didn't even mean what I said I just said it in anger!:grrrrrr:

Luckily she forgave me.......but just remember you are NEVER out of the woods...women NEVER forget:

Good luck

 

[iloveyou.]

LOL! No kidding! And they ALWAYS bring up passed transgressions in future "discussions"! :roll: :shock:

Welcome back BTW... I was beginning to think you pulled a "Lancslad"! :gasp:

 

[IVY X]

It's amo!!!!!...LOL
Thanks CG, guess no one even missed me, but it's good to be back

 

[Pompal 09.]

Life too short for regrets. While you are wasting all your energy on it you could just own up or call or email the person. Suck it up send flowers, say sorry, etc. I do it all the time, I always feel regret but I always say sorry, no need to keep torturing oneself on foolish things like regret.:tongue:

But you have to let the other person have their feelings too. And if they do not want to see or hear from you that is their right. Learn that too::

 

[DC Chillin]

What ever happened to love means never having to say you are sorry :go:.

 

[dallenmarket]

Think before you say anything. Something I am still working on :.

 

[billys_office]

You live in Utopia.

Just because somebody wrote that crap do not mean it is so.
I love sorry.
I also love slap me:666:

Regret is just another form of guilt too, so you going to worry about what you did. I am straight forward person and I get into problem all the time with this. I regret that I can't keep from saying things people may not like but that me. I am Good at saying Sorry because I do not like my friends Sad.:

 

[archjohnson]

Someone who wouldn't work with you to get over words you uttered and are regretful about is probably not worth the angst you are going through. People say things all the time to each other and in a relationship you both have to work towards getting beyond trivial things like that at times.
As to just "forgetting about it and moving on"... it chills me that people can do that. The regret is something you should carry with you so that you aren't so careless and thoughtless again. That's what builds your character right

 

[Pompal 09.]

No kidding! (Speaking from experience no doubt... BITCH! :666 LOL

The best part of "discussions" like this:

 

[knz]

1) Drink (or take various drugs) until you are numb.: --- Go to to step 2
2) Sober up until you begin feeling regret again. ---Go to to step 3
3) Goto step 1.

 

[xxdrzchulaxx]

Ok I love your solution, I am going to do this from now on.:lus lots of Sex with No regrets :666:

 

[Ff-ff-ff-ffiown]

I can't really tell if your regret is because you (apparently) hurt someone unintentionally, or if it's because doing so caused your plans to be derailed, or if it's both.

If it's the first one, all you can do is apologize sincerely and make whatever amends you can. But you can never really take something back once you've cut someone deeply, and that's not a gender thing.

Your plans...you've learned the hard way to think longterm about the possible repercussions of difficult words, that's a good thing to know. And if your honest feelings/opinion about this person/situation were so wrenching, might that have been a factor in your plan down the road?

Most plans end up changing...adapt or die. Life plays out, it will be ok.

 

[pikko]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies; got at least a point or two from each post, including Tourist's loop solution (should be a smiley face here, but I'm a bit too down to do that now- owe you one Tourist).

I've been banned to contact her for life; she has changed her phone # and has explicitly told me not to show up at her work or door, etc (she knows I'm very persistent). So, it's over; there is no way I can express my regret to her. Well, to make things more complicated, looking deeper into my unconsciousness, I think I'm more concerned about what she thinks of me now (she thinks I'm a horrible and selfish person- which I don't think I am) rather than a regret of hurting her. And that adds to my anxiety, because then I think I'm not only a horrible person, but also selfish...it's like a vicious cycle...Am I talking non sense?

Anyways, hopefully I will be able to recover soon. Thanks again everyone for your helpful comments. This board is great.

 

[HELP! i lost my keys!]

I think it's both; certainly more weighted on the side of "it has caused my plans to be derailed". And that's what makes it more complicated for me, because it makes me feel selfish. And I'm of course mad at my stupidity, because I could've easily filtered out my thoughts before letting them out of my mouth... Adding to the pain is that thing every single step had worked out miraculously well, beyond my expectation, up to this point; even at times I thought I was dreaming; and know I ruined everything with some silly but honest thoughts. I hope it will be ok, as you said. Thanks.

 

[awesomeguy]

Well apparently not everyone thought they were silly. What you say isn't as important as what the other person hears.

Ok so you didn't think things through, and you blew up your own plan. Been there, done that...especially burns that it was going so well, doesn't it? ouch, I know.

But here's the thing...there is no point in playing What If, you'll just make yourself crazy. You can't know that the rest of your plan would've played out like you think, it could've played out worse. We never really know What Might Have Been, we just think we do.

Of course it will be ok...it might not be the way you planned, but that doesn't mean it can't be good.

 

[Katie B]

Don't be too persistent, that only works in old Hollywood movies. Back off completely if she wants no contact, let her cool down.

 

[Lucy Blue]

Playing 'What If' is exactly what I can't stop in my head and is driving me crazy. But you put it well together...you might be right; we never really know what might have been. Thinking this way calms me down quite a bit. It has happened to me before, too. Once, I was this close to get my dream job at a well known institution after a long search. Everything had worked perfectly and similar to my current situation, after a bunch of successive, unexpected and miraculous events I ended up to be the final candidate. During the final interview, I blew it up when answering one of the questions (boy, that was also an honest answer, but I couldn't think fast enough at that time to tailor it to the expectation of the interviewer). Apparently, I didn't get the job and was down for weeks, playing 'What If' constantly in my head. Eventually, put myself together and after another long search, got a job even better than the first. Interestingly, after 2 years, found out the first institution had gone down hill and down-sized significantly, including the position I was a candidate for. I was never happier about a failure!

Well, seems like world is a complex network with plenty of known and unknown factors. Thanks for you comments, SillyGirl, it helped.