What to do, what to?

[BJ Freeman]

To make it easier to understand. I am John, wife is Mary. Friends, Mike and Jane. my daughter is Lori and her friend is Liz.

There is a couple that we know for a few years. Our kids have become good friends and we enjoy some Sunday BBQ's and dinners together. I have golfed with Mike a couple of times and a decent hard working dude. Best friends?, not for me but the wives seem to be.

Last night getting ready to go to bed Mary (wife) tells me that my daughter Lori (22) told her that Liz drives stoned most of the times at night when she goes out and worries for her. Lori has spoken to her but Liz shrugs it off saying the cops won't be able to tell because there is no alcohol in her system (if she ever gets caught).

To make a long story short. Mary refuses to tell Jane because she does not want Lori to get blacklisted if caught for squealing on Liz ( I hate the teenage peer pressure syndrome) . Too long to explain. I told her if you are best friends then tell her and let me go to sleep.

No she says you have to tell Mike that you heard it through the grapevine. Huh?? No way I said. Let's teach the kids what is proper so their future will not be full of lies.

Too much more info I can write but I hope you guys understand what I have just written . I told my wife that I want peace in my life and that we take care of our kids with teaching them what is right or wrong and do not want to get involved in somebody else's dirty laundry.

Guess what. I am sleeping in the basement with my laptop next to me :frown:

 

[agedownunder]

Dr., how does the hard floor basement feel?.. :intello: Been there and better that to deal with others' problems.

 

[sydney m]

My goodness, what makes Liz think most cops can't tell when someone is stoned? Is it weed, is she smoking in the car? If she's in an accident they can easily do a tox screen, and they surely will if she happens to kill/injure someone.

Stupid, stupid kids.

This is quite the parental conundrum...when my son was little, the basic rule was "if someone is likely to hurt themselves or someone else, you should tell someone." Which is exactly what your daughter has done, so it doesn't seem cool to just make her deal with it by herself.

I don't understand, though, why the Mrs. is so deadset on you talking to the dad. If she and the mom are close, it makes more sense for her to have the conversation.

Also if she's so intent on making up some plausible scenario ("heard it through the grapevine" doesn't cut it, it will only lead to more questions) and you are uncomfortable lying about the details, by all means she should be the one doing the lying.

I'm spinning my brain trying to think of plausible scenarios, and I'm not doing very well.

"I saw Liz driving the other night and was concerned that she was driving erratically. She's lucky no one called the cops." That would at least clue them in that there's an issue.

I dunno, if I think of anything clever I'll let you know. You also need to keep in mind that the parents may already know there's a drug issue going on, it might not be a surprise.

 

[smilenow]

I wonder if they even know that their daughter is smoking the green anyways let alone going for a drive when she is high.

That bit of information might come as a big surprise, as will be if you out her and she decides to get get back at your daughter by telling some of her secrets. Yikes!

This whole scenario has disaster written all over it, but on the other hand nothing could be worse than someone under the influence getting hurt or taking other people lives when it could have been avoided.

SG has a point as usual at this point maybe you don't have a choice. I mean could you live with yourself knowing that you could have stopped something but didn't.

 

[rockylad_75]

Drinking and driving vs smoking and driving... Same thing. Tell the dad dude before someone gets killed.

 

[That_Skate_Kid]

I've been thinking about the peer pressure aspect, and btw your daughter is no longer a teenager, she's 22. I'm assuming Liz is around the same age? As I said to my son on his 18th bday, Happy Birthday...from this day forward, you will always be charged as an adult...keep that in mind when you're deciding how to behave.

Play like a grownup, pay like a grownup.

What I was thinking was that it sounds as though the girls are part of a larger social circle, and I'm wondering how acceptable driving high is within the group. If Lori can convince the alpha girls that this is a problem, they could then put pressure on Liz to stop. This is the best possible solution, but I have no idea if it's plausible. :neutral:

 

[Caniac 30]

I hear you all, will deal with it myself. Will get you the feedback tomorrow.

 

[serialmom12]

Damn if you do and Damn if you don't.

 

[MaddyxPeace72]

why drink & drive when you can smoke & fly.... i saw a British study that determined that ppl who smoke ganja & drive are more aware & quicker to handle road matters :intello:

 

[sublime]

More aware and quicker than whom, people who are drunk?

I have a hard time being more aware than a brick when I'm high. :neutral:

 

[gahrahstah]

Ughness. It's not fair that the responsibility's fallen on your shoulders, but as man of the house I'm sure you're used to it by now. Girls lie more than most and there is a very high possibility that Liz is lying to Lori. Hope you're grateful, and that you say so to Lori, that your daughter came and talked to your wife despite how hysterical and scared she may have been for her friend. The only approach I think you could take without blaming your daughter for squealing is to tell Mike that you overheard the girls talking and that you're not sure if Liz was just joking but that you got a very strong feeling that she may not have and that he needs to look into it. Your wives may be closer than you two and I'm sure that's why your wife doesn't want to say anything herself so as to preserve the friendship as is. When you talk to your daughter, whatever you do, don't bring up that she should have done something herself instead of making you do it. All the best!

 

[.:daisy:.]

Bend Liz over your knee.
Lift her dress, pull down her panties and smack her bare bottom.

Light a joint and offer Liz a drag.

 

[Coriolanus]

Is the Dr. in the house :???:.

Dude going to fill us in how it went?.

 

[Tracy]

Dude, I know what you're talking about. You are saying that it's not your business to get involved in another family's personal problems, and the missus thinks it's completely within your rights since you're friends, and she's even enthusiastic to get involved. I don't know why women get so interested in getting involved when not invited. It's a gossipping instinct. You should make your wife aware that she's gonna lose her best friend if she insists on getting involved. Not that it'll matter, she's already got her mind made up and she's not thinking properly, especially when a juicy bit of gossip like this is at stake.