words of wisdom

[cigarley]

words of wisdom
>
>
> > "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who
> > died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all
> > the passengers in his car."
> >
> > --Author Unknown
> >
> >
> >
> > "What do people mean when they say the computer went
> > down on them?"
> >
> > --Marilyn Pittman
> >
> >
> >
> > Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and
> > you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin
> > bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from
> > children"
> >
> > --Author Unknown
> >
> >
> >
> > "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's
> > a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and
> > they meet at the bar."
> >
> > --Drew Carey
> >
> >
> >
> > "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a
> > woman I don't like and just give her a house."
> >
> > --Rod Stewart
> >
> >
> >
> > "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
> > not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
> > doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
> > drop them off at the wrong house.
> >
> > --Jeff Foxworthy
> >
> >
> >
> > "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a
> > penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
> >
> > --Robin Williams
> >
> >
> >
> > "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
> > and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save
> > the infant's life without even considering if there is
> > a man on base."
> >
> > --Dave Barry
> >
> >
> >
> > "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job,
> > and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or
> > girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you
> > two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and
> > before they leave you, they should have to find you a
> > temp."
> >
> > --Bob Ettinger
> >
> >
> >
> > "A study in the Washington Post says that women have
> > better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to
> > the authors of that study: "Duh."
> >
> > --Conan O'Brien
> >
> >
> >
> > "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
> > halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my
> > God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
> >
> > --Lynda Montgomery
> >
> >
> >
> > "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of
> > people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
> > and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's
> > go west.'"
> >
> > --Richard Jeni
> >
> >
> >
> > "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
> > impersonators would be dea d."
> >
> > --Johnny Carson
> >
> >
> >
> > "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
> > geography."
> >
> > --Paul Rodriguez
> >
> >
> >
> > "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they
> > turned sixty, and that's the law."
> >
> > --Jerry Seinfeld
> >
> >
> >
> > "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
> > case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single
> > file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic
> > in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
> >
> > --Warren Hutcherson
> >
> >
> &gt