I've lived with both my parents for the longest time and I've always been terrified of losing them, in that, should I ever have a police officer knock on my door and tell me that one of them died or my sister comes to work crying and just abruptly lays it on it, the thought of this happening terrifies the living hell out of me and keeps me up at night. Currently living with my sister and I'm constantly paranoid about losing her, my parents got divorced when we were 9 and 10 and she's all I've got, I see and talk to her daily and I don't think I can cope with her passing. I'm still worried about my parents but I think it's more of a rational level of fear now since I'm not living with them anymore. My sister just got engaged and I'm happy for her but also happy that she will he moving out so that I'll have a sort of cushion incase she ... yeah... But then I'll be all alone, I've never lived on my own.
I've never had a long term girlfriend (which is what I'm after), not that I'm not confident or attractive enough but I'm kind of worried about falling in love with someone to where they're now my family and this dreaded cycle repeats itself so I always end relationships after a while.
This is probably the main reason I hobby, I don't recommend anyone my age (23) try hobbying but I don't know anyway else I can get intimate with someone, it's addictive and it really makes you feel broke, whatever money I have goes towards it. I've been spa sober for over 100 days and I don't actually get urges as much but I feel like they're going to be like a switch, the moment spas open I'm probably going to get terrible cravings...sigh...
Anyone wanna share some deep thoughts? PM me if you don't want it public.
I've never had a long term girlfriend (which is what I'm after), not that I'm not confident or attractive enough but I'm kind of worried about falling in love with someone to where they're now my family and this dreaded cycle repeats itself so I always end relationships after a while.
This is probably the main reason I hobby, I don't recommend anyone my age (23) try hobbying but I don't know anyway else I can get intimate with someone, it's addictive and it really makes you feel broke, whatever money I have goes towards it. I've been spa sober for over 100 days and I don't actually get urges as much but I feel like they're going to be like a switch, the moment spas open I'm probably going to get terrible cravings...sigh...
Anyone wanna share some deep thoughts? PM me if you don't want it public.