Couldn't find time to monger after changing my job recently. After a long time I am back in action. Had a few quick short adventures. I had missed quite a few things ever since the first lockdown begun. One of these things was IT Product Shows and Conferences. These Tech Shows used to be like an ego massage for all CIOs and IT Heads from across the industry. To walk in and see all the vendors trying to invite you to their kiosks, the smart sales-women trying to make a quick elevator-pitch to catch your attention, IT Sales people eyeing your conference badge and trying to size you up to decide whether you are Mr. Moneybags and just a nerd.
I realized while walking into Deepika Bar that in some ways the Bars too are like the Tech Shows, just without any tech in it. While the Technology might be missing, the techniques are almost the same. So when I walked in the waiters swarmed upon me trying to pull me to their respective kiosks (in this case, their tables). Once I had settled down, the smartly-dressed (in this case, of course, smartly 'un'dressed) saleswomen sizing you up. Only difference is that you are not wearing any conference badge. Instead you are sized up by your clothes, looks, accessories etc.
The IT Sales guys have a minute or less to catch your attention with an elevator pitch. The DB girls are no lesser. While I was sitting in a corner, the DB girls begun walking slowly around me. They tip-toed around waiting to make eye contact. One smart PYT sashayed in slowly for the kill. I looked at her from the corner of the eye through the mirrored wall. She was staring intently at me and walking in for the kill. She wasn't upto my taste. But what's wrong in inviting an elevator pitch. I turned my head and made eye contact. Like the sales women say, the "Ultimate Moment of Truth" was upon her. I wondered how she would make her elevator pitch. Some of the old elevator pitches I had heard raced through my mind.
"How would you like the idea of reducing your network maintenance cost by 30%?",
"What if I tell you I can take care of all desktop-based, Web-based, mobile-based applications under a single roof?"
I had encountered many such elevator-pitches and I take pride in the fact that I always have a witty rejoinder in place to push the pesky MBA-educated, convented-english-spouting saleswomen away. So how difficult could be a bangla-accented, uneducated bar girl. As she came closer, I wondered what her elevator pitch would be.
"Would you like to get your piping serviced?",
"Would you like a full-stack trained kathak-cum-classical-cum-bellydance-cum-erotic dancer in a single body?"
She had come close enough. About three-feet away when she made her elevator pitch. Only difference is that she needed no words. She broke eye-contact with a snobbish, self-indulgent look on her face and looked into the mirror on the wall. She swirled around on her toes to reveal her perfectly toned, flawless, unblemished slender back. And what a back it was. The toned muscles, the smooth skin made for an enticing pitch. She adjusted her choli with a self-indulgent but knowing smile on her face. Her palms cupped her own boobs to adjust the angle of her bra. But it was clear that it needed no adjustment. She then turned around and made eye contact again, this time with a friendly smile. And suddenly then, she was up to my taste.
I realized that I had no witty rejoinder to this. This sales girl had not made an elevator pitch. She had directly displayed a sample of the wares she had for sale. There was no arguing.
THIS DEAL HAD TO BE SEALED. AND RIGHT THERE.