depressed friend

Hi Sarah

Please step back from the situation, it is often difficult to see the full picture when you are to close, just tell her you are going to be busy for a few days doing something important and then when you calm down you might see the answers you are looking for :-)
 
The thing is i havent seen her for well over a month now! all it is is by email and text. but its still getting to me.

so much so, that it has blown up over email this morning and i have just sent a email back saying some of the things i feel. but i know that she will turn it round so that she is the victim again......but hey she will at least know my views.....thats if she doenst ignore them. its just so hard, i now feel really bad, but i know that it needed to be said, but i feel guilty. ho hum.
 
Well it might be an idea to step away from the emailing part too. If you feel you cannot do this then maybe its time to see her face to face and face the real deal. It may shed some light if you see her.
Evex
 
Periwinkle

[sm=sandrine.gif]First of all I would like to send you some healing love & some blessings.[sm=angel-smiley-027.gif]

I have read all your posts about your friend and it's not been an easy time for you, howevere I think you have given everything in your being to help & support your friend, I don't believe she could have found a better friend. Please don't give yourself a hard time you have done everything possible to the point where it is affecting you. I have been in both your friends & your position, being the depressed victim & the support. It can be difficult to know whats best to do but I really must emphasise that you need to Look After You this really is important, You are Important, You Are Worth looking After. I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes but it's True!

When your friend makes her demands & you feel you have to respond try and ask yourself who has control and who is pulling the strings?
It sound like your friend likes living in the 'Victim' scenario as it gets people to respond the way she wants them to. You've done really well to tell her how you feel & your views please try not to feel guilty I know it's easier said than done. But we all need & have a right to time out and time to ourselves to strengthen, renew and refresh. You friend has made the first step by going to the doctor & agreeing to see the counsellor, but it seems that she still needs to take responsibility for her own words, actions & deeds. Ignoring things wont make them go away.

You really have been a good friend to her and steppping back doesn't change that. Please look after You I pray that your problems become easier & lighter & you receive some very Rich Blessings very soon.

I apologise if I've said anything out of turn.

Take Lots of Care[sm=newangel.gif]
Spykeyfingle[sm=cat.gif]
 
Hi Sarah,
Was just wondering if you've made any progress with sorting out the effect this friend was having on you...?
 
Hi there nick

well...what can i say. alot has happened since.

basicaly, she has turned into my stalker! i was getting 20+ phone calls a day, 20+ texts, turning up and leaving 5 page letters on my doorstep saying how i have hurt her and that she wants to be me and i have everything and she has nothing - then ended up turning up on my doorstep at all times of day and nite! it got really scary!

i tried to ijnore her, not answer her (i would NOT give her any sympathy as that is all she wants) - i was harsh, but it didnt matter! she wouldnt get the message. i said i would talk to her but go to a public place....but she wouldnt have that, she would pled with me to go to her house, and it was important to go to her house etc.

it got to the point where i wouldnt answer my own home phone, i would turn my mobile off and wouldnt answer the door! i was really scared!

she was even saying that she wanted to 'treat' me to something special and got in contact with my horse riding instructor to ask if i could go out on a hack with her on our own and when she asked me to go with her and i said no, she went mad and said that i was able to go as my intructor said!! i didnt know any of this. i told her that i didnt want any treats from her and if she was gonna treat anyone then treat her son (she doesnt have any money and is highly in debt...apparently). this went on and on......

its died down a bit now, but i still dont want anything to do with her. she still phones and texts, but i dont answer her much. she keeps trying to plan stuff with me to do - but i just dont want to. im scared! i make no effort to see her and its just doing my head in.

.........sorry about the long update....but you did very kindly ask!!
 
Oh my god, Sarah, how awful for you. I only hope it is helpful for you to share with us, rather than stirring up horrors...
I suppose it does at least prove everyone was right in advising you to put distance between yourself and this woman (who sounds seriously disturbed) - but you knew that anyway. One thing intrigues me... presumably she hasn't always been like this or you wouldn't have described her as a friend. Was she ever a good friend?
My wife once had a slightly similar problem with a woman she had been sympathetic to at work (this woman was a member of the public, not a colleague). The woman became a bit obsessive and we weren't sorry when we moved 200 miles away, though we continued to receive long rambling letters. Then one day, several years later,this woman turned up on our doorstep, out of the blue,and asked if she could stay in our flat for a couple of days. We relectantly agreed, anda nightmare couple of days followed. I suspect she was a manic depressive and we got hardly any sleep as she crashed around all night, noisily washing up and breaking plates, and playing music.
At that pointI was startingto get nervous about her, but she did eventually leave, and my wife decided that although this woman obviously needed help, we weren't really the people to offer it.
We had to stop responding to her letters and they gradually dried up. So I can see how scary it must be when this woman knows so much about you and could potentially turn it against you.
Is there anyone else who knows you and her (but who is less emotionally involved), who can maybe take her aside and spell things out to her? In this woman's state of mind, anything you say to her is obviously likely to be twisted (and not to your advantage). But maybe she would take it better from a mutual friend?
 
What springs to mind is:

the Bush essence, Five corners for her
http://www.ausflowers.com.au/shop/scditem.asp?id=18&catid=1

and for you, the Bach remedy Red Chestnut (Ainsworths are the only ones that make them according to Bach's original guide)
http://www.alexander-essentials.com/ainsworths-red-chestnut-flower-remedy.php

Hope this helps
 
Sarah, that does sound pretty upsetting. And it probably brings you down when you have to avoid her. But you dont have tochange her even though she upset you alot. I know this sounds strange, but alot of times when we see problems with other people, these are actually problems coming from our own selves.So she has obsessive compulsive disorder, so what??? You dont need to worry about it so much. Its probably bothering you morethan it is her.A good way to fix a problem, is that instead ofthinking about it too much, just imagine thateverything is going to be ok. Go back to indifference, and the way you felt before the whole situation escelated. You willfeel much better if you just put the difference behind you. And if she stillseems like oh poor me, poor world, dont try to counteract it and tell her what she should be feeling. Rather set a positive example bytrying to talk about positive things to take her mind off her depression.

Eventually you are going to have to deal with the situation, and the longer you wait, themore you will have to heal. I can sense that although yes, it does suck your friend sees everything assad (try Gorse bach flowerremedy), you are also seeing this situation in the eyes of negativity,the very same problem which you seeand despise in your friend. So when you despise your friend, you despise yourself.

Maybe you need to overcome your fear, and see her. Let her know that she can't be calling you and writing notes to youall the time because its scaring the hell out of you. I think that if you become indifferent to her (treat her like you would anyone else), then you might not have much of a problem confronting her. Im sure that you already are trying to be indifferent to her, it can be really tough.

I hope you start feeling better again. Dont let her problems get to you. Relax, and worry not about the whole situation. Dont go against the flow or you will struggle. Just let it work itself out. As the beatles said, "let it be".

Let me know how things are going. Not just with your friend, but also the way you are feelings. I hope you can start feeling happy again.

love and light
Elyezual.
 
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    Full season Wellness center: Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Connie , Student big boobs buttocks Vicky ,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Anjoo , young girl pretty face nice figure Thai deep massage Linda ,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. ๐Ÿ  2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 โ˜Ž๏ธ 4379857899 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…
  31. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Today๐ŸŒธRebecca๐ŸŒธClaire๐ŸŒธFran๐ŸŒธEly๐ŸŒธJazmin Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  32. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Meet๐ŸŒธAlisa๐ŸŒธTina๐ŸŒธValentinaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  33. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน3 girls ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ New girl Ivy big boobs 36DD ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜Hot and sexy body, super body slide, very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, professional super Suki and Luna deep tissue massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธYou are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in the back door with plenty of parking spaces
  34. lotushubspa:
    Dear customers, Lotus Spa is located at 10737 Yonge St unit13. The girl who works today is named Anna๐Ÿ’‹Tina๐Ÿ’‹Mia๐Ÿ’‹. We have massages from Taiwan, China and Korea for you. First-class service. Come and try it quickly๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’‹Please contact 9052375885๐Ÿ’‹ or SMS 4163565876๐Ÿ’‹
  35. Sunrise Spa:
    ๐Ÿ˜˜ We have a wonderful Asian spa in downtown Toronto ๐Ÿ˜˜ 302 Adelaide St W, 2nd Floor ๐Ÿ˜˜ Today is Coco, Caribbean Sophie and Kitty ๐Ÿ˜˜ 416-916-7276
  36. hiyamickey:
    7 girls working at Reinella wellness, 19 years Japanese girl Hannah, 20 years old Japanese girl Amanda, Angela, Lulu, Sasha, Queenie, Ella @ 6262 hwy7 unit #1 Vaughan โ˜Ž๏ธ๏ผš905-851-4888
  37. Sparkling Spa:
    โšก๏ธ๐ŸŒŸSPARKLING SPAโšก๏ธ๐ŸŒŸ โœ…50 Lockridge Ave Unit 8โœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒMarkham, ON L3R 8X4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (905) 604-8186 Spa Land Lineโ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (437) 446-6688 NEW Spa Cell Phoneโ˜Ž๏ธ (West of Warden & 16th Ave) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅSUPERSTAR SERVICE QUEENS AVAILABLE AT SPARKLING SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅSEXY NEW YOUNG GIRLS ALWAYS WORKING - Todayโ€™s Schedule isโ€ฆ๐Ÿ”ฅ Foxy -๐Ÿ”ฅYour new addiction at Sparkling Spa! A tall 5โ€™7โ€ sexy Korean girl with a wi
  38. Lily Spa:
    โค๏ธ KAJAL, ELENA, CINDY and KK are here today for your massage needs โค๏ธ Lily Spa โค๏ธ 2190 McNicoll โค๏ธ Scarborough โค๏ธ M1V 5M2 โค๏ธ (647) 531-8288 โค๏ธ
  39. #203MoMo&Beauty:
    MoonMoon spa/416 887 8801/8131Yonge st #203 Turkish Persian girl and Asian girl today
  40. AliceSpa:
    SATURDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต๐Ÿด-๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿด๐Ÿต๐Ÿด. 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough 416-298-0898 [/color] 3 Top Girls Today at Alice Spa: *New today, NANCY: is a young, petite & busty JAPANESE cutie. Nancy is short with a small body, pretty babyface, AV Star type. MAGGIE (10am-9pm) (1pm-9pm) is young pretty & petite. Short & super slim, busty HK student, great massage
  41. AmoreSpaEtobicoke:
    AMORE SPA 127 Westmore Drive, Unit 106C Etobicoke, ON M9V 3Y6 โ˜Ž 437-688-2407 โ˜Ž Saturday at AMORE SPA: CHERRY & MIA. CHERRY is a proven superstar, Slim Asian with a pretty face, all natural A or B Cups, long nipples, slim waist & small round bum. Her services are legendary. MIA is a young 27 JAPANESE girl, curvy, good massage bbj cim, nice and open minded.
  42. ASPA:
    SATURDAY at ๐€ ๐’๐๐€: Jenny, Rachel & Tracy. ๐Ÿ…ฐ๏ธ๐€ ๐’๐๐€๐Ÿ…ฐ๏ธ, 28 South Unionville Ave, Unit 5, Markham. ๐Ÿ…ฐ๏ธ๐—–๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต-๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฒ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ฒ๐˜…๐˜ ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿต-๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿต๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿ…ฐ๏ธ JENNY is a sexy Asian honey, about 165 Cms., slim to medium build, beautiful natural 36Cโ€™s, long sexy legs & big hips, good massage & excellent services. Jenny has sexy smooth skin and a very good personality.
  43. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅTWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅTODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: Apple๐Ÿ˜˜ - Brand new girl from Taiwan ju
  44. HolidaySpa:
    Saturday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธAMY & NANA. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Donโ€™t miss out on her special skills Nana is a slim and very sexy Korean lady, very pretty and accommodating. Come and try, you will like. ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…HOLIDAY SPA๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด
  45. SugarLoveSpa:
    Saturday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: LUNA, SARA & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty nice natural 34C Cups. Luna can do everything. SARA is a beautiful Thai lady with C Cups, 160 Cms and 50 Kgs, with a full set of services to delight you. TIFFANY is amazing slim petite
  46. Sunrise Health Centre:
    ๐Ÿซฆ Sasa is here Today! ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ“ฒ (647) 325-8086 ๐Ÿซฆ Sasa is Young Pretty Chinese Girl ๐Ÿ’„ We have Hot & Sexy Girls Every Day. ๐Ÿ’‹ They all do Extra Services & are Very Open-Minded ๐Ÿšถโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿšถโ€โžก๏ธ Walk-Ins Are Always Welcome! Unit 27, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill
  47. New Oriental Health Centre:
    ๐Ÿซฆ Yoyo & Nayla are in today ๐Ÿ“žCall ๐Ÿ“ฒ Text: (647) 381-2688 ๐Ÿ’„Yoyo is a Very HOT n' Sexy Asian. ๐Ÿ‘ Nayla is a Tall, Young, Beautiful & Curvy Spanish Girl. ๐Ÿ’‹ All Our Girls Provide Lots of E X T R A S & are Extremely Open-Minded ๐Ÿค— We're Open from 8am til Late Everyday! Drop in to Unit 26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  48. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young beautiful girls are working today, young naughty Yoyo 30โ€™s 36DD with big buttocks open mind and small cute EFG Lina , pretty Ella and young sweet slime Sophia 30โ€™s are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North YorK
  49. Annie Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ANNIE SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLEโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒSCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (647) 891-9688โ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (416) 291-8879โ˜Ž๏ธ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ”ฅGORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: ๐Ÿ”ฅ Eva๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜˜Another new addition to the Annie Spa line up!! Eva is a sexy young massage girl from Taiwan ready to showcase her talents. Her touch combines precision and intuition, offering a deeply immersive and soothing experience. E
  50. See You Health Center:
    Suki From Taiwan, sweet girl Sexy tight body amazing C cups with Those incredible nipples Sami Gorgeous Model Type CBC Vietnamese School Girl Judy is a gorgeous model type Vietnamese Girl โ˜Ž๏ธ416-988-2950
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