I have been pondering masturbation and myself for say about a year. I read on an unrelated adult forum, a female member post about her experiences with masturbation. I found it to be an interesting read, and with a bit of thought, I noted how it paralleled my own experiences/practices. Early on, she masturbated solely for the release. The faster she could get off, the better. And she had no interest in the pleasure of the process.
I have found that in my masturbation practices as well. I wasn't rubbing them out for the pleasure of rubbing them out, I was strictly doing it to pop off. The faster the better. And it would appear that I was most prone to masturbating when I was stressed or really feeling down. I was using to pick myself up and relieve stress.
But now that I'm feeling better about myself, and have adopted a more accepting attitude, it's "not as important" to me. I don't need that release now...Ok, as often. Now I'm free to try it for pleasure, but that means having to 'abandon' my old ways, and learn how to pleasure myself from scratch. And that is something I don't quite have the patience for.
Well to be honest, while I do seem to think and fantasize about sex an inordinate amount of time, I'm not that physically/emotionally a sexual individual. I think the fact that I held out until I was 38 kind of speaks for itself.
Addition: I will admit that I am rather envious of the members of this board as to their sexual freedom. Sure I'm jealous they're getting laid left, right and center, but that's not it. It's the ease and comfort with which they express their sexual side/being. That is an aspect of myself that I'm uncomfortable with.
To quote Rush...."If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" Who knows, maybe I'll see a cutie, finally break down and ask....
Of course if yo believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you.