how do I tell my fiancee she needs to lose weight?

[a Dreamer]

That is more than a little simplistic.

I know of someone quite close to me who was molested as a young person (around the age of 12).

The person was at that time, slim, fit, healthy, strong, confident. The person's reaction to the abuse was to eat, to make themselves less physically attractive, in hopes that the situation would not occur again. Over the course of time, the person grew to being about 120 lbs overweight. The person also became withdrawn, shy, and had a real difficulty interacting in social, and romantic situations.

For about 34 years, this person carried this horrible secret alone. Only a couple of years ago, did the person seek counselling, and therapy. Since beginning the healing process, the person has become more fit, healthier, and has lost about 50 lbs. In talking with this person, I learn how it has been a battle every single day, to make better food and health choices. Understand that their solution to the abuse was, for ~34 years, to eat, to try and smother their shame & emotions. It is not easy to just snap your fingers and automatically make good choices all the time.

I've also learned how scared and anxious the person is about losing the weight, they're starting to get compliments on their physical appearance. I'm told that it is a double edged sword. They feel good, obviously, because they're being complimented, but inwardly, they're scared, physcologically, that if they look attractive, that the abuse might happen again.


The person is continuing to go to a counsellor, has enlisted the aid of a dietician, and hits the gym (productively) 5-6 days a week. I am as supportive as I can be, and I believe this person will ultimately succeed.

To simply state: it's a choice as to whether to ''have that Big Mac (or whatever) " , or something healthy, without knowing why a person eats the way they do, is ignorant, and unfeeling.

 

[Jordan]

I have told a GF who now happens to be an EXGF.

I had seen the weight slowly creeping up. Started around her tummy and spread to her bum. I told her "hun, you clothes are fitting much more snug lately." It didn't work, and it wasn't the food but the pop she would drink. Non stop pop, milkshakes and Baskin Robbins Ice Cream.

When we started going out she weighed around 120 lbs. and when we broke up she weighed about 150 lbs.

I haven't seen her in 2 years and wonder what she looks like today. Will I regret dumping her or would I be think YES, I made the right decision? I am guessing the latter!

 

[Mirah]

Take her for lunch, you order both of you salads and soups, ice-water. Then, you gently say. Honey, I love you, but I just want to love alittle less of you! You know honey 115-130, 131 and it's Jenny Craig or give me the ring.

I'm just kidding, really I am.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Very carefully!!! :shock:

 

[like me not me :)]

Of course for every rule- there is an exception... Thanks for pointing this out png2. :great:

So let me rephrase, for the most part, the way a person lives/ eats/ etc. is a personal lifestyle decision. Generally speaking a person chooses to eat what he or she does, and chooses to live an active or inactive lifestyle.

As Blank_Dave pointed out, only when someone MAKES HIS/ HER OWN decision to live a more healthy lifestyle... will they in fact do something about it. :???:

If one thinks about it in terms of a diet? They will lose... One must approach it as a lifestyle change- it is the only way.

 

[Legionnaire Hooch Monster]

From very far away.

 

[Anonstar]

Maybe you could just leave a bag of flour and some vegetable oil on the nightstand. :gasp: :tongue:

 

[Pompal 09.]

That's just evil! Thing is I like that idea!

 

[rambo]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdUSeEWvssg

 

[icarus62]

I have the perfect way to tell her
post it here and then tell her you hang here and what you handle is.

You thinking she is fat won't phase her at all

 

[Christin]

Just leave her now, it wont get better only worse, save money, just stay with Escorts its cheaper anyway, trust me wife, kids cost a fortune, then you end up with escorts anyway so you have double the expense, and the headaches to boot.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Simple Truth!

Even if you can not handle couple pounds, what will you do if she gains more weight?

 

[Rebecca A]

Just say the magic words.

"Baby you are getting fat honey. I still love you but a few more pounds and I am throwing you back to the sea!"

It works, trust me, it really works!:

 

[classy lady]

:


Thank you all for your responds. I still love her, I just wanted to get some idea to make her lose some weight before It gets out of hand But I got the idea what to do. Thanks.