Jokes by *KAVITA*

[adrighEnrido30]

EVERYBODY DOES IT!
​

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C`Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESSPLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs

****TAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can`t stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns

COWBOYS handle anything *****.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRYWALLERS are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGEMEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNISTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINESTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep `em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MECHANICS have all the right tools.

MARKETING REPs do it on comission

MILKMEN deliver twice a week

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILEMEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS can revive anything.

PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall.

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS usae their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERSS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are ***** lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways. ​

 

[Maverick1]

BLIND MAN
​

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even
a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock
the door of the room, strip off their habits,and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and deciding that no
harm can come from letting a blind man into the room,
they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds?"​

 

[AdministrationTeam]

ADULT VIDEO

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before,
so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and,
after looking around for a while,
selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles,
slips into something comfortable,
and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment,
there's nothing but static on the screen,
so she calls the video store to complain.

Blonde:
"I just rented an adult movie from you
and there's nothing on the tape, but static."

Store Clerk:
"Sorry about, that.
We've had problems with some of those tapes.
Which title did you rent?"

Blonde:
"It's called 'Head Cleaner'"

 

[only sunflower]

CAT AT SCHOOL

At school one day the teacher heard
cat noises coming from the class,
and she discovered little Johnny
with a cat up his pants.

She said:
"Why have you got your cat at school?"

Little Johnny started crying.
"I woke up this morning to hear the mailman tell my Mummy:
"I'm gonna eat your ***** today!"

 

[bort]

AND THE LORD SAID...

One day The Lord came to Adam, and said:
"I've got some good news and some bad news".

Adam said:
"Well, give me the good news first."

The Lord explained:
"I've got two new organs for you.
One is called a brain.
It will allow you to create new things, solve problems,
and have intelligent conversations with Eve.

The other organ I have for you is called a penis.
It will give you great physical pleasure
and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form
and populate this planet.

Eve will be very happy that you now have
this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed:
"These are great gifts you have given to me.
What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow:
"You will never be able to use
these two gifts at the same time."

 

[Pompal 09.]

BEDSIDE PRACTICE

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really
well and they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.

A few drinks later,
the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.

He then took off his socks and washed his hands.

The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist!"

Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing.
How did you determine that?"

The woman replied, "Easy... you keep washing your hands."

Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed.
Things became more and more passionate and... (*snip*)

After their passionate deed was done
(while the man the woman were getting dressed)
she remarked: "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The guy was very surprised, and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a
great dentist... You amaze me!
And how did you know THAT, my dear?'

His lover said, "That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."

 

[knocked up]

There are two crisps walking down the road,a car pulled over and the driver said, "Do you want a lift?"

The crisps said,"No thanks we're walkers" :​

 

[Cali]

Child: “Miss can I go to the toilet?”
Teacher: “Only if you say the alphabet”
Child: abcdefghijklmno........qrstuvwxyz!
Teacher: “Where’s the p?”
Child: “Half way down my leg!”

::clap:
:​