Lewis Black quotes

[verticalsmurf]

just found this lol

 

[Wilma F]

" These guys believe that a 350 billion dollar tax cut will stimulate the economy, and they are full of sh!t.

Because they don't know what stimulates the economy.

The economy goes up, it goes down, it goes up, it goes down, it goes up, it goes down, nobody knows why the fook it happens.

And I know this because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea'... but I flunked that course.

Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolute nothing that you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. "

Lewis Black​

 

[Mizz G]

“These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!”

Lewis Black​

 

[Marjane Satrapi]

:blush:


" Lactose intolerant milk? Kiss my d!ck!

If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk.

So what's in the phucking carton?

Get it out of there, get it away from my milk.

It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself " Lewis Black​

 

[mooki3babiiyonkerz]

or what blah is to forums!!! :

[referring to Rick Santorum calling gays a "threat to the american family"] Lewis Black: It's prejudice, and it's ignorance, on a level that is staggering at this point in time. But, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's a group of gay bandidos. They travel from village to dell. And as night falls, they travel to that cul-de-sac, where only one house stands. And in the window, you see a family, just setting down to their evening meal. And these queers... these queers... don their black hoods, and matching pumps, very tasteful. Sneak up to the house ever so slightly, open the door, and start... F***ING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS! AND ANOTHER AMERICAN FAMILY... IS DESTROYED!

 

[poausqrn]

one of my faves ....:clap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KuHwY3yX4M

 

[SleepyJ]

“Why would you hire MTV to do music?

MTV has nothing to do with music, ok?

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken.

MTV is video, and video goes where? In your eye, music goes in your ear.

Ear eye, eye ear, big phucking difference!” Lewis Black​

 

[Crayola Love <3]

lol funny............

 

[Buckwheat]

Lazy-ass.

“ There's no such thing as soy milk.

It's soy juice. ” Lewis Black​

 

[*{-Lily(<3)Rain-}*]

to many to pick, so i'll post one now and again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOe7EuHclyo

 

[Hollister69]

I'd rather go ice fishing, which is the dumbest thing a man can do. You're sitting essentially in an out house. You've cut a hole in the ice, and you're fishing for fish that you shouldn't eat, ‘cause any fish that is down there is f.ucking stupid.


What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.


And these are the same group of *******s that when I was a kid told me in case of a nuclear attack, to hide under my desk. You know what they would do? They would come to my school with films to show me how to protect myself from a nuclear f.uck holocaust. They would show this giant nuclear f.ucking bomb just blowing the s.hit out of everything. Goats and monkeys flying everywhere. The windows of the elementary school- blown out. The teacher- banged up against the f.ucking blackboard. But... there were the children, hiding safely under their desk. Writing poetry, playing guitar. Every 2 weeks when I was 9, my elementary school would have an air raid drill. I guess to remind me I can die at any minute! ...And i'm sitting there thinking that the adults in my community said I could protect myself from a fire-f,uck-ball by hiding under wood. I'm hiding under kindling. Maybe I can get some sticks SO I CAN BURN FASTER! And I thought ‘Wow! If this was a real attack, when the all clear sounded, I can go out to the playground, and MELT!’

 

[zAika]

If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.

Let's face it, Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we're forced to visit.


In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.

 

[EndumnEmibure]

I'm going to end up Google-ing his quotes.

I think I only know about 5 or so; and you typed 3 of them.​

“ If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself.

That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. ” Lewis Black​

 

[dead_killer_angel25607]

And then there's the Homeland Security system, they had it colour-coded, like we're in fu.cking elementery school! Simplify it, there should be just three levels of security; Jesus Ch.rist, Go.ddammit, FU.CK ME!

 

[Kasynohicwholf]

Q. Y do they name hurricanes afta women

A. Because when they ***, theyr wild n wet, n when they go they take ur house n car with them :

 

[2nd In Command to David]

then why would you post? kids.

 

[Unknown Guy]

Maybe it's not in context.

Maybe I associate the name 'Lewis Black' with someone I don't get along with well.

Maybe I'm just feeling off.

But I didn't laugh for some reason or another. :~/

 

[Rio Madeira]

“It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!”


“If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.”

the following is why, someday, when your talking to me i look at you oddly and say.....if it wern't for my horse....

Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!