Lewis Black quotes

verticalsmurf

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just found this lol
gatekeepercollegenm0.jpg
 
" These guys believe that a 350 billion dollar tax cut will stimulate the economy, and they are full of sh!t.

Because they don't know what stimulates the economy.

The economy goes up, it goes down, it goes up, it goes down, it goes up, it goes down, nobody knows why the fook it happens.

And I know this because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea'... but I flunked that course.

Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolute nothing that you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. "

Lewis Black
 
โ€œThese ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!โ€

Lewis Black
 
:blush:


" Lactose intolerant milk? Kiss my d!ck!

If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk.

So what's in the phucking carton?

Get it out of there, get it away from my milk.

It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself
"
Lewis Black
 
or what blah is to forums!!! :lol:

[referring to Rick Santorum calling gays a "threat to the american family"] Lewis Black: It's prejudice, and it's ignorance, on a level that is staggering at this point in time. But, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there's a group of gay bandidos. They travel from village to dell. And as night falls, they travel to that cul-de-sac, where only one house stands. And in the window, you see a family, just setting down to their evening meal. And these queers... these queers... don their black hoods, and matching pumps, very tasteful. Sneak up to the house ever so slightly, open the door, and start... F***ING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS! AND ANOTHER AMERICAN FAMILY... IS DESTROYED!
 
โ€œWhy would you hire MTV to do music?

MTV has nothing to do with music, ok?

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken.

MTV is video, and video goes where? In your eye, music goes in your ear.

Ear eye, eye ear, big phucking difference!
โ€
Lewis Black
 
Lazy-ass.

โ€œ There's no such thing as soy milk.

It's soy juice.
โ€ Lewis Black
 
I'd rather go ice fishing, which is the dumbest thing a man can do. You're sitting essentially in an out house. You've cut a hole in the ice, and you're fishing for fish that you shouldn't eat, โ€˜cause any fish that is down there is f.ucking stupid.


What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.


And these are the same group of *******s that when I was a kid told me in case of a nuclear attack, to hide under my desk. You know what they would do? They would come to my school with films to show me how to protect myself from a nuclear f.uck holocaust. They would show this giant nuclear f.ucking bomb just blowing the s.hit out of everything. Goats and monkeys flying everywhere. The windows of the elementary school- blown out. The teacher- banged up against the f.ucking blackboard. But... there were the children, hiding safely under their desk. Writing poetry, playing guitar. Every 2 weeks when I was 9, my elementary school would have an air raid drill. I guess to remind me I can die at any minute! ...And i'm sitting there thinking that the adults in my community said I could protect myself from a fire-f,uck-ball by hiding under wood. I'm hiding under kindling. Maybe I can get some sticks SO I CAN BURN FASTER! And I thought โ€˜Wow! If this was a real attack, when the all clear sounded, I can go out to the playground, and MELT!โ€™
 
If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.

Let's face it, Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we're forced to visit.


In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants.
 
I'm going to end up Google-ing his quotes.

I think I only know about 5 or so; and you typed 3 of them.

โ€œ If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself.

That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat. โ€
Lewis Black
 
And then there's the Homeland Security system, they had it colour-coded, like we're in fu.cking elementery school! Simplify it, there should be just three levels of security; Jesus Ch.rist, Go.ddammit, FU.CK ME!
 
Maybe it's not in context.

Maybe I associate the name 'Lewis Black' with someone I don't get along with well.

Maybe I'm just feeling off.

But I didn't laugh for some reason or another. :~/
 
โ€œItโ€™s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, weโ€™ve got rockets, weโ€™ve got saran wrap โ€“ FIX IT!!!โ€


โ€œIf the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.โ€


the following is why, someday, when your talking to me i look at you oddly and say.....if it wern't for my horse....

Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it werenโ€™t for my horse, I wouldnโ€™t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go โ€” "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
 
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  1. EMSpa_schedule:
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  11. bnwellness_wilson:
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  12. Lily Spa:
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  15. HolidaySpa:
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  16. Moneylee:
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  25. wonderspa:
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  26. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: On Thursday April 3, 2025, our attendants will be Ada ๐Ÿคฉ, Cici ๐Ÿ˜, Vicky ๐Ÿ˜˜, Sophie โ˜€ and Monica ๐Ÿ˜˜. Call us at (905) 479-6668 to book!
  27. yoko:
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  28. Soul Relax Spa:
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  32. Joseph123456:
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  33. Alibi Massage and Spa:
    Unwind in ALIBI ๐Ÿฅ€ this WEDNESDAY: Jasmine, Kay, Jade, Sandy ๐Ÿ“ž905 212 1222๐Ÿ“1380 Matheson Blvd East, Mississauga
  34. EMSpa_schedule:
    For Wednesday April 2, 2025, our attendants are Sandy ๐Ÿ˜˜, Opal ๐Ÿฅฐ, Cici ๐Ÿ˜, Yoyo ๐Ÿ”ฅ and Carla โฃ. Call us at (905) 479-6668 to book your favourite and head on over to 7665 Kennedy Road, Unit 4, Markham, ON, Canada!
  35. Red Rose Spa:
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  36. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
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  37. Lily Spa:
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  38. SugarLoveSpa:
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  39. Moneylee:
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  40. Annie Spa:
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  41. Moneylee:
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  42. Golden Sunshine Spa:
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  43. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 masseuse are working today. Vicky,Mia,Ella and Lina are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available. 350 Wilson Ave North York
  44. AliceSpa:
    WEDNESDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—” 416-298-0898, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough 3 very nice girls here today. Open 10am to 9pm: AMY (12pm โ€“ 9pm) is a young, petite short & slim Taiwanese, former dance instructor, firm natural B Cups, pretty face, firm natural titis, super play good, bbbj, cim, rim, dfk, all services. APPLE: from Hong Kong, very small body, 5' 100Lbs, petite with natural C Cups
  45. HollywoodSpa:
    Wednesday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: NICOLE & SISI. โ˜Ž๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฎ-๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฐโ˜Ž NICOLE is petite, slim and very pretty, with C Cups , long hair & a slim waist. She has nice massage and great services. SISI is a sweet slim beauty, 5โ€™2โ€, with a beauty ass, excellent massage, and amazing services. Come and see why she is so popular. When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood
  46. ForeverWarden:
    Wednesday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Bella, Cindy & Sasa. Bella is around 5โ€™3โ€ with a thin to medium build, C Cups, and a pleasing personality. She can offer dfk, bbbj and cfs as well as a good massage experience. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream
  47. HolidaySpa:
    Wednesday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: EMILY, KIKI & CINDY. EMILY is a VERY tiny petite SPINNER superstar of the highest quality. Emily has a pretty face, natural A Cups, slim waist, and a lovely spinner bottom, topped off with the very best of services. Kiki is very attractive, young, about 5โ€™4โ€ and 110 Lbs., slim with a banging body.
  48. SugarLoveSpa:
    Wednesday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: ELLA, LISA, SUSAN & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž ELLA is a lovely Thai sweetheart, 5โ€™1โ€ with C Cups, smooth skin and a very pleasing attitude. LISA is a cute & petite Thai/Chinese mixed beauty with decent massage skills and liberal services.
  49. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga Niko and Kiki work
  50. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน2 girls ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ New Japanese girl Nina โค๏ธ Natural Big Boobs 38 DD ๐Ÿ˜˜Pink Mini Nipples Hot body slide, super enjoyable๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, professional super Luna deep tissue massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธYou are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in the back
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