No More Mr Nice Guy

[Edward]

As I suspected when I picked the book up, the book and the article Genevieve provided aren't at odds with each other. They are both about the same behavior type, and light upon the same issues. The difference is that the book, naturally, goes into more depth, provides the author's theory on the causes of it, and excercises to aid in breaking free of the behavior.

Now i haven't really sat down to do a proper cover to cover read of it, instead just flipping it open and ready parts. I find this book to be a real shot to the nuts. It hits a lot of behaviors I am consciously aware of, and brought others to my attention. So much sa it could be called "How Dave's Doing It Wrong."

I think this book is going to be problematic, as it requires me to have access to 'safe people' to whom I can come out to. (Nice guys are very dishonest people it seems) As well it has some exercises that have me confused and make me feel awkward, such as healthy masturbation.

One thing o do agree with, and am opting to do right now is...Say No to bad sex. My source/cause of bad sex is not out there or with my partners, but in here...Me. I must learn to have good sex, and learn what arouses and pleases me, before I even start worrying about anyone else.

 

[monkipuzzle]

Nice guys are very dishonest people it seems


Not sure about that Dave. Don't believe everything you do or what people tell you.

 

[RayeKaye]

Well when I say they're dishonest, I don't mean dishonest in the big way, like stealing from children and swindling grannies. They're dishonest in a million small ways, regarding things like emotions, motives, actions, etc.

Prior to it, I did believe myself to be a very honest person, who told the odd white lie. I had trouble swallowing the book's pitch to the contrary, but it stirred something. I got to thinking off all the little half truths and omitted details that make up my day to day interactions. Let's just say wow.

 

[dull_sux]

Good luck. Sounds like a lot of heavy introspection in your future.

 

[storys of are champion]

Good article. I bookmarked it. I'll likely give it to about a half dozen guys I know. Not that they'll heed it.

 

[Lillyyyy]

Yes, something like that. Some of it is "pretty scary" and touches on some pretty deeply rooted beliefs and behaviors. Stuff I'm not sure I can change, and certainly not comfortable changing it. For example 'healthy masturbation' and sexual self exploration. The concept of sitting back and exploring myself to find what is enjoyable, besides beating Stubby like he owes me money, is very uncomfortable.



They will not hear the message until they're ready to hear it, and will not learn it until they're ready to learn it.